The Meadow
by nonymouse123
Summary: A continuation of "Midnight Sun" by Mrs. Meyer. My story starts off with Alice meeting Bella for the first time, officially, and Edward and she are going hunting before he takes Bella to the meadow for their date. Edward point of view.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Twilight ain't mine…

"Well, thanks for finally introducing us! I thought I might have to do it myself. I mean, she is going to be my best friend, you know" Alice said in her beautiful, sing-song voice. I was already glum and missing Bella. "You still haven't made up your mind, have you?" she asked with trepidation as we walked out to the parking lot.

"Hmmm?" I replied, ignoring her. I was still wallowing in the last of Bella's scent. Yes, it would be a long night after all. I could still feel the heat from her cheek on my fingers, the warmth radiating up my hand like the softest of breezes. "We have to get her truck and bring it back so she doesn't have to walk home" I said.

"I know…the key is in her jeans pocket at the bottom of a pile of laundry," Alice sang to me with a smirk on her face. She loped off in front of me to my car. For being so small, she could be hugely irritating.

After we dropped off Bella's truck, we headed to the forest at the edge of town. We were walking slowly and quietly, for vampires that is. I was thinking about Bella. Her scent, her hair, her beautiful skin. It was all too much for me. How would I ever be able to be alone with her for any amount of time without hurting her, or worse. The monster was quiet, listening, waiting for me to make a mistake…waiting to take over and end her life. I love her more than I ever thought possible, yet here I am, still unsure of my control.

"You are strong enough, you know." Alice pulled me out of my reverie. "You have been denying yourself for so long now; you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I love her too, you know, and I don't want her hurt. You can do this, Edward." She said it with such finality, without a trace of doubt. I knew she believed it, her thoughts said as much. Did I believe this about myself?

"I love her more than my own life, Alice. What can I do except stay away from her. I will let her choose to be with me or not. I have to let her see me for who I am and then she can decide. I am a monster and she deserves so much more than what I am. She deserves a life, children, and no fear of being killed every time she is close to the one she loves." I was quiet again, wondering to myself again how I could be so selfish as to put her life in danger. She surely didn't understand what could happen to her if I lost control, how easy it would be. She was much too innocent of such terrors. I would have to put the monster into the farthest corners of my mind, far away from her, far away from me.

We walked quietly again, catching the scent of some wild deer, many miles ahead. "They're small does, no bucks, but they will do for now" Alice said. "Let's go!" And off she went, at the speed of light. The does never had a chance. I followed close behind, but not quite as enthusiastic as she. I was thankful to have her here with me. Her confidence in me gave me hope for tomorrow. I smiled in spite of myself, feeling lighter. Alice's pure heart worked better on me than Jasper's talents. I needed her faith in me more than she knew.

When we arrived home, I started up to my room to be alone. I had glutted myself on deer blood, and could almost feel it sloshing around in my stomach.

Rosalie was glaring at me again. "_Why are you risking all of us for a human_" her thoughts sneered at me. I just shook my head and ignored her. I didn't want to fight with her again. Emmett didn't bother to look up from the book he was reading. Carlisle was at the hospital and Esme was at her desk working on her latest remodel. I blocked out their thoughts, all of them, needing the quiet to sort through the myriad of emotions flowing around my mind. Alice was looking at me with an unspoken question in her eyes.

"I need to concentrate and think about what tomorrow will bring" I said to her. She ran thru several scenarios in her mind of what might happen; many of them unsettling me. She focused on the vision that gave me some reprieve, the vision of her and Bella, their arms around each others waists, smiling and happy. She lifted her kind, beautiful face to smile at me. I loved her very much for the all encompassing faith she held in me. I smiled and laughed quietly as she strode up to her room where Jasper was waiting for her.

I envied them. They've had each others love for so long, and I have had no one. I was just beginning to understand what that kind of love felt like. Just starting to get a glimpse of what it would feel like to have someone all to myself. I have been in my own world for so long, thinking I was complete in myself. It was hard for me to understand these human feelings I was having. I missed Bella very much, but I didn't want to visit her tonight…I needed this time to relax, to steel my resolve, strengthen my self control. I spent the rest of the long night listening to "Madame Butterfly" and thinking of her, her scent, her fathomless eyes, her soft hair.

When the morning sunlight finally started to flirt with the sky, I knew it was time. I quickly dressed and headed out the door. I was at Bella's house in a few minutes, hiding in the woods across the street. Charlie was leaving out the front door with his fishing implements. I watched him quietly, listening for any change of plans he might have today, but his thoughts were only on fishing. After he left, I walked across the road casually and sat motionlessly in the woods directly behind her house. I could hear her heartbeat and the blood pulsing thru her veins.

This would be the biggest test I would ever face. All these years of denying my thirst, the first time I smelled her, barely making it thru the hour in the small, heated classroom, and again in my car after her encounter with the would be assailants in Port Angeles…all of those other trials pale in comparison to the temptations I was now about to face. We would be alone, far away from any other humans. I could kill her so fast she wouldn't have time to scream. Her blood would be so intoxicating, so delicious, so…STOP! I screamed at myself. I resolved to lock down the monster, to keep him banished to the depths of my soul, if I even had one.

She's awake now, and I can hear her in the shower. Her scent wafted over me. She hasn't been out here in a few days, but I could easily find it without trying. I needed a small dose of her scent before the shockingly painful aroma her closeness brought with it its own temptation. I can do this…I can and I will…I wouldn't hurt my Bella, my love. With some trepidation of what this day might bring, I walked up the porch and knocked. I could hear her heart racing as she opened the door.

"Good morning," I chuckled. Her floral scent assaulted me, and left me breathless. She was beauty redefined in the early morning light. I assessed our outfits, and shook my head.

"What's wrong?" She said with slight worry in her voice, eyes wide.

"We match," and I laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. Light tan sweater stretched over her smooth figure, white collar peeking out from the top, blue jeans that fit her just right…she looked so beautiful, so fresh. My hand ached to touch her soft skin, feel the heat from her blood under that skin. ENOUGH! I turned and walked to the passenger side of her truck, needing the fresh air and to clear my thoughts. My head shaking, I waited by the ancient automobile.

"We made a deal," she said and climbed in, reaching over to open my door.

I climbed in and braced myself for the onslaught of her aroma. I took a deep breath, quietly so as not to alarm her, and felt my throat burn with the fire of her essence.

"Put your seatbelt on, I'm nervous already" I said. More nervous than she could ever guess. I was dangerous. I was a monster. What in the world was I doing here alone with her? I had given her the choice, but did she really know all that one choice could encompass?

"Where to?," she asked with curious eyes.

"Take the one-oh-one north" I instructed. As she started to drive, I watched her. The muted sunlight illuminated her skin and reflected in her hair. How could I ever hurt such a lovely creature. What did I do to deserve her affection. I have been so alone for too long, and have finally found someone I want to be with. The knowledge of this truth filled my heart with pure happiness. I know with every fiber of my being I have to be with her. Was there no end to my selfishness?

I watched her as she drove, studying her profile. I took in another deep breath, quietly, and reveled in the burning that raced down my throat.

"Were you planning to make it out of forks before nightfall?" I was attempting to distract myself from her heat, even though part of my mind would always be attuned to it.

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather—have some respect" she bantered back.

"Turn right on the one-ten" I instructed. "Now we drive until the pavement ends" I smiled at the thought of where we were going, and the long hike to get there.

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?" She said with some trepidation

"A trail"

"We're hiking?" I could hear the fear creeping into her voice.

"Is that a problem?"

"No" She was lying, but I let it pass. I would watch over her while we walked to our hidden destination.

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry" I watched as another round of fear flickered across her features. She continued to drive in silence, battling her emotions and controlling them only slightly. I waited what seemed like an endless time before I could stand the silence no more.

"What are you thinking?" I demanded. Her silence was infuriating. I wished again her mind was not closed to me.

"Just wondering where we're going"

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice" I watched the thinning clouds and smiled at the soon coming sun.

"Charlie said it would be warm today"

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I wondered.

"Nope"

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together" Since she didn't tell Charlie about her trip, Jessica would be my motivating reason to bring her back. The monster would have no excuse to hurt Bella, knowing what that would mean for my family. Why was I still struggling with my decision to return Bella safely home?

"No, I told her you cancelled on me—which is true" She said flatly

"No one knows you're with me?" I was infuriated with her. The monster mocked me from his cage. My steel resolve faltered ever so slightly at the knowledge no one knew where she was.

"That depends…I assume you told Alice?" Her voice rose ever so slightly. Maybe she was beginning to see the stupidity of her reasoning.

"That's very helpful, Bella" I snapped at her without thinking. My anger rose in accordance with my irritation at the utter nonsense coming out of her mouth.

"Are you so depressed by forks that it's made you suicidal?" I spat at her. Why was she ignoring the danger? Why was she tempting me so? The monster laughed at me. I tightened the chains around his cage, attempting to control him.

"You said it might cause trouble for you…us being together publicly" She was genuinely concerned for me. She should me more concerned for herself.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me—if you don't come home?" The animosity in my voice registered on her face. She stared ahead, not looking at me, hiding her eyes and the thoughts they held.

"Of course you didn't tell anyone. Why can't you see how dangerous this is for me? How tempting you are to me? Alice showed me I was strong enough, showed me the outcome. But am I? Can I do this? Can I keep you safe from me?" I was talking to myself, to fast for her to hear me, of course. Her human ears wouldn't be able to decipher my blurry words.

The anger was good for me. It kept my mind off the maddening scent of her, but only partially. I steeled myself against the burning that never ended. We sat in silence until the road came to an end.

I removed my sweater before I got out of the truck and slammed the door. I embraced my anger, keeping it close, like a protective shield against my need for her sweet blood. I saw her flinch a little when I looked at her over my shoulder, my back to her.

"This way" I let her see my annoyance as I walked ahead.

"The trail?" She asked in a panic stricken voice.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it" I was being rude for no reason. She didn't deserve this.

'No trail?" Her panic stricken eyes raced around the edge of the forest, wondering where I was taking her.

"I won't let you get lost" I was mocking her, hoping she would see the pain hiding behind my anger.

But when I turned and looked at her face, she gasped and her heart took off in a frenzied pace. She stared open-mouthed at me. Her pain stricken face all too easy to understand. She wanted to go home. I had been angry and rude, and now she no longer wanted me. A pain I was not willing to feel curled itself around my stone heart at the thought of her leaving me.

"Do you want to go home?" I asked in a whisper, not wanting to hear the words I feared she would say.

"No" She said as she crossed to be closer to me. I closed me eyes at the joy that now filled my being. I sighed softly as I breathed in her scent.

"What's wrong?" I asked; her closed mind was maddening to me. Would I ever get used to her silence?

"I'm not a good hiker, you'll have to be very patient" She said in a small voice.

"I can be patient—if I make a great effort" I smiled a gentle smile, wanting to make her happy again. I resolved to make this a perfect day for her, my love. I would do everything in my power to keep her sheltered from the dangers my world posed to her.

"I'll take you home" I would not harm her. My whole being cried out at the enormity of this statement and the emotions behind it. I was strong. Alice was right. I can do this. I can keep her safe and alive.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way" She didn't sound thrilled as she pondered the forest floor.

I lead the way, deftly watching out for any dangers that might hinder her tread. The slow human pace was good for me, for us. It would give me time to bolster my resolve. I pondered the beauty of her as she walked by me.

Several times I assisted her over fallen trees, touching her burning hot skin with my ice cold finger tips. I released her instantly, not knowing if I was ready for the touch of her skin, the closeness I so longed for. Her heart sputtered at my touch, and I quickly looked into her eyes, trying to decipher the emotions they held. Was it fear that made her heart quicken at my touch? Or was it something else. Joy enveloped my silent heart as I hoped against hope for the latter option.

The need to reach out and hold her hand was overwhelming. I found myself slowing, just slightly, so she could catch up and our hands could entwine. I couldn't hold her hand, though, and I was awash in pain for a moment. I was still a monster, and she was so fragile. My love was so strong for her, it pulsed thru my dry veins. It colored every thought I had since the night she breathed my name in her sleep. I desperately needed her to be with me, and yet I longed for her to run the other way, to save herself from the monstrosity that I was. My conflicting thoughts were driving me to the brink of insanity.

I distracted myself from the pain of my reality by asking Bella more questions. She answered them while keeping her eyes to the mostly flat ground. Apparently she was terrible at taking care of fish, she had killed three in a row. This amused me, and I laughed loudly in spite of myself. The thought of Bella killing animals was utterly absurd.

"Are we there yet?" She was getting impatient, and pretending to be irritated. She was more beautiful in the forest than I could have ever imagined. The sun was starting to peak through the canopy of trees. I was as anxious as she was to see the meadow.

"Nearly, do you see the brightness ahead?" She was happy again, her forlorn mood from before vanished like the thin clouds from this morning's sky. I was elated and smiling and laughing. She was the remedy for my meaningless existence.

"Um, should I?"

"Maybe it's a bit to soon for your eyes" I teased her.

"Time to visit the optometrist," she retorted.

And with that, we were there. The meadow. Our meadow.

A/N: Thank you for reading. Show some love and leave a review….pretty please???


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

As Bella walked into the sunlight, the rays reflected off her alabaster skin and made her dark brown hair shimmer with a beautiful auburn tint. She took my breath away. Trepidation kept me from walking into the light. What would she think of me when she saw my skin. Would she think me even more of a freak than I already was? I don't want her to be scared, but then again I do. Curse my selfish heart for not being able to leave this most precious of souls alone. The monster laughed quietly from deep inside. I quickly shut him up, willing him deeper into his cage.

As Bella drank in the sight of the flowers all around, I watched her. She looked for me, then, finding me hiding like a thief in the forest. She took a step towards me, inviting me out into the sun with her hand. She took another step, and I motioned for her to stop. Her heart was pounding, and her breathing picked up. I closed my eyes and took a deep, ragged breath.

I stepped out into the golden rays of the late-morning sun and waited for her response. She gasped and stared at me. I looked deep into her eyes, waiting for the screaming, the running. But, as always, Bella startled me with her responses. She smiled wide and sighed.

"You're beautiful," she said simply. I smiled in spite of myself. I should have known she would not be frightened of my glittering skin.

I lay down on the meadow floor, enjoying the radiant heat I no longer could make. I hadn't been to the meadow in almost two weeks and I missed it. It's funny how you can become so attached to a physical location. How such locations could bring back strong memories and a flood of feelings. I knew this place would forever remind me of Bella from now on, no matter what happened today, the meadow now belonged to both of us.

I relaxed and let my thoughts drift as Bella stared at me with wanting in her eyes. Oh, how I wished I could hear her thoughts. It would forever frustrate me that her mind was closed. She sighed and continued to ponder my skin. I could hear her blood pulse, her heart beat. Her scent was even stronger in the sun and the slight breeze was blowing it towards me, encompassing me with her essence. My throat ached for her blood. I could taste it on my tongue. The monster whispered unconscionable thoughts to me….thoughts that made me angry with myself for thinking them. I distracted myself from the closeness of her blood, and her body, by humming the composition I was working on for her.

"What are you saying?" Bella asked

"Oh, I'm just singing to myself" I replied. I hoped she couldn't hear the edge in my voice.

She reached out then, with a slightly shaky hand, and touched my hand with one finger, and the sensations were indescribable. She traced the outlines of my veins, my marble hard muscles, my fingertips. The softest of touches sent a new kind of fire through my body. Though I was struggling with the smell of her, this new warmth was something entirely different. I could feel the heat from her hand racing up my arm and thru my chest. It was getting hard to control my thoughts about her warm, soft body so close to mine. I struggled for control as I looked at her with a longing in my eyes.

"I don't scare you?" I asked, hoping for the answer I didn't want to hear.

"No more than usual," she said. My stone heart was joyful, and unbearably sad, at the sound of her truthfulness. Her eyes gave no hint of lie. She continued to stroke my arm, becoming braver with her touches of my ice cold skin.

"Do you mind?," she asked me.

"No, you can't imagine how that feels," I answered, and lost myself to the sensations her electric touch sent thru my whole being. I have never felt something so strong, so tantalizing, so lovely as her soft fingers slowly stroking my arm. I took in a deep breath and wallowed in the burn it caused. I cannot hurt her. I will not hurt her. The monster waited, patiently.

She was trying to turn my hand over. I turned it for her, a little too fast, her startled heart skipped a beat, but she recovered quickly. "Sorry, it's too easy to be myself with you."

"Tell me what your thinking. It's still so strange for me, not knowing" I looked deep into her eyes, willing her thoughts to come to me, probing the silence that confounded me.

"You know the rest of us feel that way all the time" she teased.

"It's a hard life," I said, with a bottomless sadness. "But you didn't tell me"

"I was wishing I could know what you were thinking," she was quiet again.

Her silence was more than I could take. "And?" I said, impatiently.

"I was wishing that I could believe you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid" She kept her eyes steadily on my arm, afraid to show me the truth of her emotions in her eyes.

"I don't want you to be afraid" I was telling her the truth, and lying at the same time.

"Well that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about"

I sat up quickly and looked deep into her eyes, holding her warm, soft hand in mine. She was speaking in riddles and I needed to see the truth of what she was feeling in her beautiful brown eyes. I was very close to Bella, using the full power of my gaze to extract the answer from her.

"What are you afraid of, then?" I desperately needed to know her thoughts.

As always, Bella never reacted as she should. Most humans were too afraid to be in such a close proximity to my kind. Bella never seemed to be bothered with the unspoken fear the other humans naturally felt. As my breath washed over her face, she leaned in, taking a deep breath.

A multitude of emotions and scents bombarded me all at once. Her blood, her heartbeat, her soft, beautiful lips parted ever so slightly. The monster was out of his cage, raging, wanting her, taunting me with the flavor of her scent I knew would taste so good. My mouth filled with venom at the thought of her taste.

I was gone before she finished the intake of air.

"I'm..sorry..Edward" she said in a whisper. The pain in her voice was unbearable.

I had almost hurt her. The agony I felt was unrelenting and all encompassing. I watched her face as the shock slowly faded; replaced by sadness. My still heart ached to comfort her. The monster was angry. But that is not what unsettled me the most. I knew why I could never hurt her, never taste her blood, never let the monster out again. I made up my mind up, right then. I was stronger than the monster. My love for her had baptized me of the need for her blood. I banished the monster into a lake of fire. He would not tempt me again.

"Give me a moment" I took my time regaining my composure. I walked towards her, in a slow human pace, and sat down. Several feet still separated us, an ocean of anguish between us. My beloved Bella. I watched her as she watched me. A wave of fear crept into her perfect features. She understood what I was, finally, and the realization was beginning to sink in.

"I am so very sorry. Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?"

I could smell the adrenaline pulsing thru her veins. I had frightened her, and the core of my being grieved with the knowledge.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I?" I said in a derisive tone. "Everything about me invites you in—my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!" I was finally free. I was no longer tortured by my obsessive need for her blood. I had battled the beast of my nature and won. I ran around the meadow, in the blink of an eye. The feeling of freedom surged in my dry veins.

"As if you could outrun me" My bitter laugh filled the silence of the meadow. Suddenly, I grabbed a tree branch and broke it in half, needing to release the energy building within me. Bella's wide eyes brought me back to my senses, showing the depth of her fear of me. A cold dread wound it's way around my spine, and I was instantly remorseful.

I crossed over to her, in less than a second, and stood watching her, listening to her haggard breaths. I wanted her to be afraid of me, and had accomplished my goal. I regretted ever wanting her to fear me, my beloved Bella.

"As if you could fight me off"

She sat stiffly, barely shaking her head in response to me.

"Don't be afraid…I promise…I swear not to hurt you". I never wanted to see that look in her eyes again. I had conquered the monster in me, and there was nothing left for her fear. I was free to love her, and she me.

"Don't be afraid" I moved ever so slowly towards her. She watched my every move with cautious eyes. I had acted reprehensibly. I had no excuse for my conduct, and needed to make amends.

"Please forgive me. I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now" Bella regarded me with cautious eyes. She was still afraid.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly" I winked at her, gave her my most gentle smile, and found her weakness. She laughed, a shaky, unreliable laugh, but a laugh none the less.

"Are you alright" I asked. The fear was less, but I could see she was shaken to the core by my actions. I slowly, tenderly, placed my hand back in hers. I needed to feel her heat, needed her to accept me for what I was, totally and completely. Her soft hand sent those same electric pulses thru my arm. I concentrated on them, reprimanding myself for acting so foolishly.

She quietly began to retrace the hard planes of my forearm. I breathed softly, thankful to God for her existence.

"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" I was repentant for my earlier behavior, and she softened ever so slightly.

"I honestly can't remember"

"I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason"

"Oh right" she was stalling.

"Well?" The seconds ticked by as my annoyance grew.

"How easily frustrated I am" I will never be free of the irritation her silent mind afforded me.

"I was afraid…because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you, and I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should." She averted her eyes, not allowing me to see the depth of her truth.

"Yes, that is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest" I was agreeing with her, even though I knew I could not leave her. She needed to know the truth about how I felt before this afternoon. Leaving was no longer an option for me now; I was bound by the chains of my love for her.

"I should have left a long time ago…I should leave now. But I don't know if I can." It hurt me to say these things out loud, but she needed to hear them; I had nothing left to hide from her; I would be an open book for her to read at her leisure.

"I don't want you to leave" she mumbled.

Oh, what pain and joy her sudden plea caused me. I took in her floral scent, relishing the burn, as I spoke.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should"

"I'm glad" A tiny smile played on the edge of her lips.

"Don't be!" I was harsher than I meant to be. After my performance earlier, I thought she understood the deep danger she was in just by being around me. The monster was gone, but I was not going to delude myself into thinking I could control my need for her blood. Her blood would always tempt me.

"It's not only your company that I crave! Never forget that. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else" The hate I felt for myself was unfathomable. I had not taken a human's life in more than 70 years, and Bella was willingly giving herself to me. Giving me her trust and her faith in my abilities.

"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean—by that last part anyway" A small crease formed between her eyebrows.

"How do I explain, and without frightening you again…hmmmm" I very gently, with slow, controlled movements, put my frigid hand into the cradle of hers. The heat from her body shot up my arm, sending waves of pleasure throughout my body.

"That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." She watched me patiently as I assembled my explanation. I took a deep breath, tasting her essence in the air, welcoming the white-hot pain it caused. As I savored the flavor of her, I began to explain how our kind react to human blood, wondering, absurdly, if she could ever truly comprehend the depth of longing we vampires warred with on a daily, and sometimes hourly, basis.

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors? Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?" She nodded, wanting to be the good and attentive student.

"Sorry about the food analogy—I couldn't think of another way to explain" The stupidity of my example was unconscionable. I had frightened Bella enough for one day. I smiled to myself as I began anew with my confession.

"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac—and filled the room with it's warm aroma—how do you think he would fare then?"

We sat very still as she regarded me, and my analogy. She needed to understand the depths of my longing for her blood. I probed the silence of her mind, knowing it was futile, but feeling helpless against my obsessive need to extract her thoughts. I vaguely wished my father, with his limitless wisdom, was here to help me explain. He would need no more than one-tenth of a second to intricately fashion together an explanation she would both understand and accept.

"Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead?" A documentary I had watched came to mind. It told the tale of a black-tar heroin addict, and all the disgusting and degrading things she did to score another hit of her poison. The despondency of the tale stayed with me long after the program was over. If anyone could understand the vampire need for blood, it would be this poor soul who had lost everything in her life to purchase another high.

"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" Her beautiful, answering smile warmed my frozen heart. I did not deserve her.

"Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin."

"Does that happen often?"

Jasper flashed in my mind. He had the same questions when I attempted to explain the insane temptation Bella posed to me. He still couldn't understand my obsession. Jasper's take was all humans tasted alike. He should know; he had tasted more than my whole family put together.

"I spoke to my brothers about it. To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor." I saw her blanch at my words.

"Sorry." I berated myself again for my stupidity.

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can"

"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever some across someone who was as" I paused, searching the vast recesses of my mind for a word that wouldn't frighten her, "appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?"

"Never"

She considered our conversation for a moment.

"What did Emmett do?"

Images of an innocent woman doing laundry in an apple orchard flooded my mind. The sweet taste of her blood, still a strong memory for Emmett years later, danced on my tongue. Venom filled my mouth in an instant. Anger, and shame, twisted my stone hands into fists. I looked away from her, needing the distraction of the trees to calm the fire burning down my throat.

"I guess I know"

Her wide, beautiful eyes soothed my ragged nerves. The images faded into the background of my mind as I concentrated on her.

"Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?" What was I saying to her? Could she guess, now, at the constant danger she was in. My subtle warning brought out her anger.

"What are you asking? My permission?" Her anger saddened me to the depths of my questionable soul. My openness regarding Emmett had been a mistake. She worked to regain some control over her emotions, speaking again with caution.

"I mean, is there no hope, then?" Her words were like a dagger to me, splitting me in two. She sighed heavily, searching my eyes for the answers she needed to hear.

"No, no! Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…" I had defeated the monster in me; I could control my own desires. Decades of practice, now being put to their fullest test, would shore up my strength against the tide of her scent constantly washing over me. I will not harm her. I cannot.

"It's different for us. Emmett…these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as …practiced, as careful, as he is now." Oh, how to make her understand the depth of Emmett's sadness. He is my dear brother, and I don't want Bella to ever fear him, or to hold his transgression against him.

"So if we'd met…oh, in a dark alley or something…"

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and—" the remembered anger boiled up; I quickly crushed it, regaining my composure. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself."

Images of her wide-eyed stare passed through my mind. The first taste of her scent and the wreckage it caused in my carefully constructed human façade. The hate I felt for her that day was completely underserved. She was precious to me now.

"You must have thought I was possessed" I was ashamed, even now, at my unwarranted behavior.

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…"

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin…I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow..." I shuddered internally as the memories of that day overwhelmed me with their intensity. I searched Bella's eyes for some sense of relief; that she knew the depth of my sorrow and pain. She quietly watched me, weighing my words in her melting brown eyes.

"You would have come"

"Without a doubt." Understanding and fear colored her words. I wanted to comfort her, hold her in my arms, stroke her hot skin with my frigid fingertips. I was not used to these new human emotions that bombarded me.

"And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there—in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there—so easily dealt with." We were both reliving the day. Comprehension flickered across her face, followed by the knowledge of how close she had come to death. I remotely thought of the monster and how he had almost won that day. The raging and longing her blood had awakened in me; my self control hung only by a thread that day, but it had held, and now Bella was here, alive, against all reason, and my joy was a many colored jewel that sparkled in her radiant light.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home—I was to ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong—and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

The faces of my family flashed in my mind, their confusion and questions were too much for me. I new Alice would explain to them my predicament. She would make them understand the unbearable pain, and temptation, Bella's blood held for me.

"I traded cars with him—he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary. By the next morning I was in Alaska."

"I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances…but I was home sick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…"

Bella's total silence was unnerving, it rattled me more than ever to not know what she was thinking. I was confessing everything to her, in a vain attempt to atone for my sins of wanting her death. She waited for me to continue my woeful tale.

"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it.

It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind…her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating"

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions…and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or you hair, and the scent would stun me again…"

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment—because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"

Realization hit me then. I loved her as soon as I came back. She had already changed me, and I hadn't recognized it until this moment. The pain of almost loosing her hit me, a wave of panic and loss encompassed me in a fraction of a second. I took in a deep breath, her essence, an assault on my senses, brought me out of my self-imposed torture. Her steady heartbeat, as always, occupied a small portion of my thoughts.

"In the hospital?" she asked in barely a whisper.

"I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power—you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips. Her flinch pierced my silent heart.

"But it had the opposite effect, I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time…the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." Alice's vision of an immortal Bella filled my mind. Their arms wrapped around each other in a stone cold embrace. I quickly pushed the image away.

"Esme told me to do whatever I had to do in order to stay. All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair…it hit me as hard as the very first day."

I searched her eyes, looking for any sign of fear or remorse at her decision to be with me, here, and found only a deep curiosity to understand my dilemma.

"And for all that, I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here—with no witnesses and nothing to stop me—I were to hurt you." The pain was almost palpable; could she sense it in the air around us.

"Why?"

"Isabella." Again, I wished for Carlisle's wisdom as I caressed her soft, thick hair. The smell enveloped me and I welcomed it with open arms. Her scent was proof of her humanness, and I desperately needed her to be human, alive. I would prove Alice wrong in this one thing.

"Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me. The thought of you, still, white, cold…to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses…it would be unendurable. You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

I had laid all my cards on the table, fear bombarded me. What would I do if she changed the way she felt? I had laid out the whole of my thoughts for her to judge, and when she rendered the verdict, I would accept my sentence, even if it meant she no longer wanted me in her life, finally understanding the danger I posed to her.

"You already know how I feel, of course. I'm here…which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you. I'm an idiot."

"You are an idiot!" We laughed together, and easy, carefree laugh, and my heart was overjoyed at the sound of her words. I wanted more than anything to be with her, and the confirmation of her love for me sent new waves of adoration and devotion through my body. She had changed me so completely, so totally. I owed her a never ending debt of gratitude for handing me the keys to my self-inflicted prison of hate and loneliness.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…"

"What a stupid lamb"

"What a sick, masochistic lion."

I stared through the trees, trying to comprehend the magnitude of our shared profession. Her future as a human was to be my driving force in keeping her alive. I could almost see Alice's vision waver and change as I strengthened my resolve. My decision to keep Bella human was cemented into my dead heart. I would not doom her to this life of mine. I would love her, protect her, watch over her all the days of her long human life. She would always be safe in my presence, safe from me.

"Why?" She startled me out of my thoughts, and then stopped. He silence filled the air like my love for her filled every fiber of my being.

"Yes?" I waited.

"Tell me why you ran from me before."

"You know why" She was repentant for her earlier actions, and the sorrow I felt clouded the sunshine of my jubilant demeanor.

"No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example seems to be all right." She stroked my hand with her feather-light touch, sending pulses of electricity up my arm, blossoming into a slow warmth in my stomach. A smile spread across my face as I regarded my angel.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

Her selflessness and courage touched me deeply. She was very brave, attempting to make me feel at ease, and yet still fearful of angering me, of tempting me. She didn't quite grasp all the ways she tempted me, her blood was but one of many things I craved.

"Well...it was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness…I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your _throat_." I instantly regretted my words. She was taken aback at my honesty, but quickly recovered to the best of her ability.

"Okay, then. No throat exposure." She attempted to hide her luscious throat from my sight, as if a mere downturn of her chin could stop me. I laughed at the nonsensical gesture.

"No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."

I wanted her to feel at ease with my nature, needed to reassure her of my control. I slowly placed my stone hand on her neck. The warmth was almost unbearable. I could hear the sloshing of blood in her jugular, the strong, and slightly frenzied beat of her heart; I felt the papery thin barrier of her soft, easily torn, skin.

"You see? Perfectly fine." Her blush was a staggering blow to my self-control. Her eyes betrayed her with an unspoken longing I knew all to well in my century on this earth. Her heart rate escalated and the accompanying smell twisted my long empty stomach, curling the useless organs it held within.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely" The utter pain I felt was clarifying my thoughts, bringing them into focus. I grazed her cheek, feeling the intoxicating heat from her blush, and, ever so gently, cradled her fragile face in my iron grip. I instantly calculated how much pressure would be needed to crush her skull, and kept my hands under absolute control. I measured the depth of her eyes, seeking the thoughts they held hostage from me. The oppressive need to kiss her soft, succulent lips distracted me from the cloying smell her pulsating blood was washing over me.

"Be very still."

The base of her throat called out to me, and I slowly placed my head by the hypnotizing music of her lifeblood. I imagined our future together, and fought against the inevitable outcome of Alice's vision. I counted out the soft beats of her heart as they quickened again, ever so slightly. I immersed myself with as much of her essence as was possible without causing her harm. The pain was exquisite, a white-hot throb of yearning filled my body with the need of her. Very gently, with all the control my 70 years of practice had taught me, I laid my head to rest on the center of my need, her heart itself.

The heart is a curious muscle. It pumps out its life giving blood without pause for decades. It holds the secrets of one's sorrows, one's joys, one's regrets. A long forgotten bit of poetry by Cummings sprang to mind,

_I carry your heart with me (I carry it in  
my heart). I am never without it (anywhere  
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done  
by only me is your doing, my darling)  
I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)_

_I want no world (for beautiful, you are my world, my true)  
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant  
and whatever a sun will always sing is you_

"Ah"

Our fates were forever intertwined. Her heart was now the center of my personal universe. No sound would ever be as beautiful to me as the beating of her heart. The most intricate of concertos palled in comparison. I would not be the cause of it's stopping, no matter what the future held for us. I loved her more deeply now than ever before. She had no need to ever fear me again.

"It won't be so hard again." A peace that passes understanding filled my consciousness. I was free.

"Was that very hard for you?"

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"

"No, it wasn't bad…for me" She was attempting to be funny, and I loved her all the more for it.

"You know what I mean."

"Here, do you feel how warm it is?" I pressed her fragile, hot hand to my slightly warmer cheek. An intensity filled her eyes as her breath caught in her throat. I didn't have long to wait before she spoke her request.

"Don't move"

I instantly obeyed and became a statue. Her silky soft hands moved over my face with the utmost of care. A plethora of sensations rocked thru my body as she traced over my eyes, my nose, my chin. A completely new, and unnerving, heat radiated thru my being, setting every nerve on fire with longing. She was so close, her sweet breath blowing warm waves of torture over me. My lips parted as her fingertips lingered on my mouth, anticipating the succulent taste of her tongue.

Her hands were suddenly gone; the warmth they held left their mark on my skin. I opened my eyes, looking for, and finding, the same yearning in hers. I craved to stroke every inch of her soft body, to kiss her lips, her neck. To caress her with a lover's touch. The passion I felt was almost as unbearable as my desire for her blood.

"I wish…I wish you could feel the complexity…the confusion…I feel. That you could understand."

"Tell me" She was as breathless as I felt.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger—the thirst—that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely."

"But…there are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me." My fingers found their way to her lips. I stroked them tenderly, wondering what they would feel like on my stone mouth.

"I may understand that better than you think."

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?" My dim human memories served no purpose when it came to matters of the heart.

"For me? No, never. Never before this." I paused as I considered this. Our situation was new, in more ways than one, for both of us. I held her hands, careful not to break them. I took in a ragged breath and closed my eyes. The wanting I felt was so fresh, so powerful, I didn't know how to react to it. I want to be with her, to love her as only a human can, knowing it would be impossible. I concentrated on her scent, reveling in the burn, trying, without success, to ignore the other scorching need.

"I don't know how to be close to you. I don't know if I can."

She had so much faith in me, in us. It gave me hope for the future, our future. For the first time in decades, I looked forward to the days ahead. I longed to be human, cursing the monstrosity that I was. With an unspoken word, she soothed my fractured soul by placing her head on my chest, listening to my silent heart.

"This is enough"

She is truly my angel. Had I been able to produce tears, they would be flowing down my cold cheeks. My arms automatically encircled her, and I breathed in the pure aroma of her hair.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for."

"I have my human instincts—they may be buried deep, but they're there."

We sat together, entwined, as the sunlight faded ever so slowly. I had tempted fate this day with Bella, and I had won. A slow ache began to grow as I contemplated taking her home.

"You have to go." I said softly.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind."

"It's getting clearer." I teased her, knowing she was smiling.

"Can I show you something?" She gave me a wary look, but my excitement wasn't easily squashed.

"Show me what?"

"I'll show you how I travel in the forest." Another look of wariness came over her face, battling against the curiosity simmering underneath. "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." Her heat skipped a beat in time with my smile. I thrilled at the thought of running with her; of feeling her supple body clamped tightly to mine as we sped by blurry trees.

"Will you turn into a bat?"

I laughed at the utter absurdity.

"Like I haven't heard that one before!" The merriment I felt was like a spring rain; it washed away all the uneasiness this monumental day had held for me. I was a new creation because of her.

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time."

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back." Her hesitation endeared her to me. In one swift movement she was pressed against my back, holding on for dear life.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack"

"Hah!" She weighed no more than a feather. Swiftly I grabbed her hand, needing the flame of her scent in my throat. I breathed deeply, enjoying the suffering it caused, re-acclimating myself to her floral effusion.

"Easier all the time." There was no lie in my words.

Running was as natural to me as drinking blood, giving me time to think about the beautiful girl slung around me. I was very aware of the way she felt against my stone back, the crush of her soft breasts, the heavy thud of her heart behind them, the slight sway of her hips as I moved noiselessly through the forest. I imagined the way her soft lips felt, the way they would taste. My vampire mind ran thru the various kisses I had seen in movies, remembering the intense passion playing across the screen. Never before have I kissed a human girl, not even before my transformation. I grew excited at the prospect of experiencing this passion, of kissing Bella's full mouth. The fire in my core reignited and grew more fervent.

We reached the edge of the forest, my excitement palpable in the air. I couldn't wait to engage in my next temptation.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" Her labored breathing was my only answer. "Bella?"

"I think I need to lie down."

"Oh, sorry." Her frail body clung to me, seemingly unable to move. I probed her silent mind, knowing it would accomplish nothing, but doing so regardless.

"I think I need help" She was shaking and her breathing was uncertain. Realization dawned on me as I understood why she hadn't climbed down, motion sickness. I chuckled quietly to myself as I unlatched her from me, enjoying the feel of her in my arms. I could hold her for a century, and never tire. She was no albatross, she was my salvation.

"How do you feel?"

"Dizzy, I think."

"Put your head between your knees." She did as much and breathed quite slowly. The sound mesmerized me in its evenness. I found myself counting off the seconds in between each intake of oxygen. I was acutely aware of the incandescent heat of her body, and of how close I was to her. She was more fragile than a crystal champagne flute, and I would handle her with the proverbial kid gloves.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea."

"No, it was very interesting."

"Hah! You're white as a ghost—no, you're white as me!"

"I think I should have closed my eyes."

"Remember that next time."

"Next time!" She groaned.

I was laughing again, and the feeling of release it gave me was stupendous. I hadn't laughed this much in a century. I thought, perhaps, I had forgotten how to laugh, really laugh, with the whole body. It felt as though I were a floating leaf, the gentle breeze blowing me this way and that. Carefree and unencumbered by the thing I had become. For right now, just this moment, I forgot I was a vampire. I was a man in love with the most beautiful girl ever born to this earth.

With inhuman speed, I was in front of her, my eyes locked onto the pale lids of hers. The need to kiss her superseded all other logical thoughts or arguments.

"Open your eyes, Bella." Her sputtering heart caused me to smile as she drew in a deep breath. I looked into the profound depth of her eyes, devising my plan, determining, intricately, my every move.

"I was thinking, while I was running…"

"About not hitting the trees, I hope."

"Silly Bella. Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show off"

"No. I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."

I placed one frigid hand on either side of her face. I inhaled deeply, slowly, and celebrated the horrible fire as it burned a pathway of pain down my throat. Very deliberately, and with excruciatingly slow movements, I titled my head slightly to the right, leaning a millimeter closer to her. Our eyes locked in a motionless dance.

I listened to sound of her hammering heart, and it called to me. The river of her blood, flowing faster in accordance with her heart rate, made it agonizingly difficult to enjoy the moment of our first kiss. I locked down my entire body in steel bands of iron will. I formed a mental picture of a cage encircling my body.

Her fragile skin, so soft and warm in my hands, alarmed me with its fever. Holding her face fractured my concentration as I mentally traced the light blue veins visible under her translucent skin. It was time. I leaned in, slowly and softly. I touched my cold lips to the delicate skin of hers.

A multitude of emotions played out in a mere 4.76 seconds, the total length of time our lips touched. An electric pulse rocked thru my core, the aftershocks radiating out to my limbs. The heat from her lips burned worse than the fire in my throat; it seemed the blood they contained was boiling. I was distinctly aware of her body and relived the feeling of her delicate form clutching to me. The sensation playing havoc with the other fire, the human fire, which was now eating its way thru my useless stomach. I attempted to focus on the light breeze as it blew her hair softly, a single strand tickling the outside of my wrist, needing the distraction to restrengthen the steel bands of my self control.

Bella, conversely, had no desire to remain in control of herself. Her body arched towards me, as she sucked in a loud gasp. Her hands found my hair, pulling and tangling together in the heat of passion. Her mouth parted, ever so slightly, and my lips responded in kind. The faintest trace of saliva on her lips rammed my self-constructed iron cage, and tore open the bars. Her sweet taste was pure, unadulterated agony. She tasted as glorious as she smelled, and the last shreds of my control lay in a tangled heap at my feet. Venom flooded my mouth, wanting to be released into the wet, hot blood that ran thru her neck, a mere 5.432 inches away from my teeth.

Only one thought stopped me. In the fraction of a second that I had lost control, Alice's vision resurrected itself. My bright, crimson eyes and Bella's dead, lifeless body in my arms. It would be a picture I would forever carry with me, no matter how many centuries I existed. I pushed her away from me, slowly, deliberately, careful not to dislocate her shoulders. I was breathing rapidly, not needing the air, only the distraction of the sound. Bella's eyes told the story of her desire, my own passion palling in comparison to the thought of her blood in my mouth.

"Oops."

"That's an understatement."

"Should I…?" She made an attempt to move away from me, no doubt, wanting to ease my visible pain.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please."

I desperately needed to regain control over my scattered thoughts and emotions. I held tight to the horrible picture in my head, like a shield against the onslaught of her scent, much stronger with the heat of her wanting. I could still taste the faintest trace of her on my lips, and found my resolve had returned. I was again in control. I had passed this last, and hardest temptation, of the day. Relief washed across my face as I realized my steel cage had repaired itself. Bella was safe.

"There"

"Tolerable?"

"I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know." I was giddy with the knowledge of my newfound hardiness.

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry," she said softly.

"You are only human, after all."

"Thanks so much," she retorted.

The shadows were growing deeper, her father would be home soon. I extended my hand, and she took it gratefully. The warmth was very comforting, it spoke of life.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I was teasing her now, wanting to dissipate any residual tension from the air.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy…I think it's some of both, though"

"Maybe you should let me drive," I offered.

"Are you insane?"

"I can drive better than you on your best day. You have much slower reflexes." She couldn't argue with my logic, but continued, regardless, with her train of thought.

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella."

"Nope. Not a chance." She could be very pig-headed.

She attempted to take a brave step forward, but instead wobbled as if walking on a tightrope. Afraid she would tumble, I grabbed her small waist, noting the way it felt in the crook of my arm, and smiled at her, tenderly, with love.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk."

"Drunk?"

"You're intoxicated by my very presence." I smiled at the obviousness of my statement.

"I can't argue with that. Take it easy—my truck is a senior citizen."

"Very sensible." I assured her.

"And are you not affected at all? By my presence?"

Bella's "affect" had transformed me, completely and totally. My long life, once filled with despair, regret and longing, was now filled with exuberance, hope and passion. She was my everything, my life. Her blood, and her body, would always tempt me, maddening me with an intense wanting. I had fought a hopeless battle and overcame my very nature. I breathed in the intoxicating smell of her jaw, brushing my lips along the delicate curve, lingering. I accepted and welcomed the coming torture she presented to me. The need for her blood would haunt me night and day. I loved her more than anything else, she strengthened and invigorated me. Whatever tribulation I faced, we would face together, as one. We would wage war against our doomed future, willing it to change for the better. Her trembling body mimicked my own.

"Regardless, I have better reflexes."

A/N: Thanks for reading


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Twilight ain't mine

A/N: I will not be finishing this story. I wrote this earlier this year, and lost my focus. I thought I would post it hear, and later, if inspiration struck, I would finish it out one day. Until that day, I hope you enjoy what I have written. Thank you.

I was reflecting on our day together as we drove to Bella's house. Her decrepit truck, despite its appearance, did have a sturdy engine. To bad it didn't go over fifty miles per hour. That could be remedied soon. I would buy Bella a car when the timing was right. Perhaps she would like a sporty little Corvette 1ZR. I could ask Rosalie to add in some upgrades, like extra safety belts, bullet-proof glass and steel reinforced door panels as an added precaution. I was holding Bella's hand and it was pure bliss. The radio was on, the wind was blowing and we were in love.

"Rock around the Clock" by Bill Haley and the Comets was playing on the radio. I sang along as Bella watched me amusedly. This very CD was sitting on the fifth shelf of my massive music collection, exactly 84 Cd's into my fifties category, in the "Pop" section.

"You like fifties music?" She seemed surprise by this, much to my chagrin.

"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties or the seventies, ugh!" Who in there right mind thought up disco. The beat was atrocious, at best, and the words were mostly meaningless. If the Bee-Gees had any self-respect, they would have disbanded before they wrote the first line. "The eighties were bearable." If you want to call Devo's "Whip It" bearable. At least it was short.

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" she asked.

"Does it matter much?" I gazed at her face, reveling at the beauty of it.

"No, but I still wonder. There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night"

"I wonder if it will upset you." So many things should have upset Bella today. Only my foolish running around and breaking of trees had accomplished any fear in her. Her reactions caught me off guard, time and again.

"Try me" she insisted.

I looked intently into her eyes, and the silence they held. She was curious, no doubt, and I didn't want to disappoint her. She already knew so much, there was no point to her not knowing about my conversion, and the circumstances behind it, as well.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901." I looked at her, anticipating a sharp intake of breath or some emotion, and Bella was calm, controlled. Her demeanor was encouraging, and so I continued on.

"Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza." Ah, the gasp I had been waiting for escaped her lips at the revelation of my impending death. I quickly reassured her with my eyes, and a slight squeeze of my hand.

"I don't remember it well—it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade." I reflected on the dim human memory of my worried mother's face, love and fear painted on her delicate features. Carlisle's images were much more graphic, and heart wrenching. Her suffering at the prospect of my demise was horrific.

"I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget." I quickly pushed the memory aside.

"Your parents?"

"They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone." Again, a dim human memory flashed of my mom, this time with my father. I clung to this memory as best I could after my transformation. In it, they are smiling and happy at my seventeenth birthday party. Alive and at perfect peace before the coming torrent of death and despair that was the epidemic.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us…I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history. For me, it was merely very, very painful." The bitter memory of black pain would never leave me. Unbearable torture. The agony went on and on, eating me alive from the inside out. I would never put my fragile Bella thru this pain, this torment. I will never put her thru the detrimental pain of transformation.

Bella was chewing on her lip, thinking no doubt about the metamorphosis from human into vampire and all it entailed. She wanted details I was not willing to divulge.

"He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating."

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" She let her words trail off.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice.

It is easier he says, though if the blood is weak." No, Carlisle would never doom another to this life unless he deemed them unsaveable by human standards. He respected human life too much.

"And Emmet and Rosalie?" She wanted to know everyone's story.

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him, he was careful with his thoughts around me." Rosalie as my mate was absolutely preposterous. "But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting, we were in Appalachia at the time, and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." I carefully touched her cheek with my hand, my eyes burning into hers. The pain Rosalie suffered, carrying Emmett as he bled to death in her arms, it was excruciating. The images from that night haunted me still to this day. The experience changed Rosalie forever.

"But she made it" Was Bella trying to convince me or herself?

"Yes, she saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school."

"I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again." I was laughing again, and it was wonderful.

"Alice and Jasper?" she asked.

"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another…family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wondered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really? But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true. She knows other things. She sees things—things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change."

An immortal Bella blazed in my mind, her crimson eyes smiling, fierce and beautiful. I quickly looked at her eyes, her warm chocolate eyes, and they calmed my nerves.

"What kinds of things does she see?"

"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

"Are there a lot of …your kind?"

"No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live….differently tend to band together." Differently? That was a joke; we were freaks in an underworld of freaks.

"And the others?"  
"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

We had reached her house while driving, it was dark, at least for a human. I scanned the thick forest, seeing nothing of interest aside from the regular vermin. I listened for the muddled thoughts of Charlie, and heard nothing. We were alone in her truck, and I relished every moment.

"Why is that?" she asked.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon? Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents?" I was teasing her now, smiling and watching her reaction in the dark cab. "There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."

"So that's where the legends came from?"

"Probably." Hollywood had unknowingly done volumes to help hide our kind.

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

"No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."

Suddenly, Bella's stomach roared with hunger. I looked at my watch and mentally flogged myself for being so inconsiderate. It had been 10 hours since Bella's last meal.

"I'm sorry; I'm keeping you from dinner."

"I'm fine, really."

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget." I would not forget again. I have to take better care of Bella from now on.

"I want to stay with you." Her voice spoke of my own selfish longing to be with her.

"Can't I come in?" I asked hopefully.

Would you like to?"

"Yes, if it's all right." I was instantly at her door, opening it for her.

"Very human." She approved as we walked to the front door.

"It's definitely resurfacing." Faster than any human eye could ever hope to see, I retrieved the house key, unlocked the door, and returned it to its home.

"The door was unlocked?" Her heart rate piqued and a slight worry crept into her words.

"No, I used the key from under the eave."

She looked at me curiously, wondering.

"I was curious about you."

"You spied on me?" Her wide eyes locked onto mine, but there was no anger, no fear, and I was joyful.

"What else is there to do at night?" I smiled at her as she turned and walked to the kitchen, he stomach rumbling in anger again. I sat down and watched her retrieve her dinner. She began to heat up lasagna, and the smell filled the small kitchen, momentarily making me blanch. Human food smelled vile. I distracted myself from the odor with memories of our kiss. Her soft, warm lips on mine.

"How often?" Her question brought me back to reality.

"Hmmm?"

"How often did you come here?" She asked with her back to me.

"I come here almost every night."

"Why?" She was staring at me open mouthed. The look of shock on her face was priceless.

"You're interesting when you sleep. You talk." I was not remorseful of those stolen nights. The night she said my name had changed me forever; it filled my dry veins with a river of love.

"No!" A crimson blush flooded her cheeks with alarming speed, for a human, and I was momentarily distracted by the color and accompanying heat I knew would be there. She looked as though she might melt into the floor with embarrassment.

"Are you very angry with me?" I was a retch for causing her so much discomfort.

"That depends!" She was nearly breathless with worry. I couldn't help but smile at her pained expression; she was lovely.

"On?"

"What you heard!" She was near tears, and I was instantly at her side, holding her warm hands in mine, welcoming the electric pulse.

"Don't be upset." I soothed in my most gentle of voices. I searched for her eyes, wanting her to understand she had nothing to be ashamed of. "You miss your mother, you worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too green.'"

"Anything else?" I knew what she was asking.

"You did say may name"

"A lot?" A small sigh escaped her full mouth.

"How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?" I couldn't help but smile as I remembered the first time I heard my name on her lips. It was a beautiful memory, a life changing memory.

"Oh, no!" She lowered her eyes, attempting to hide her mortification. I pulled her into my arms, wanting desperately to comfort her, to take away all her uneasiness.

"Don't be self-conscious; if I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." Her father's tires sounded on the driveway. His muffled thoughts were of dinner. I needed to act quickly, so as not to get Bella in any trouble.

"Should your father know I'm here?"

"I'm not sure" She was weighing my question in her head, her eyes narrowed slightly.

"Another time then" Within a fraction of a second, I was in her bedroom, sitting on her bed, laughing quietly to myself.

"Edward!" She whispered frantically as I laughed again.

I listened as Charlie walked into the house asking for some dinner. The scrape of forks, and the gulping of milk led me to believe Bella was in a hurry. Hmmmm, I wonder why? Could she be as anxious as I to be together again? I relished the thought of us, _together_. How strange and glorious this day had turned out. This morning I was still unsure I would be able to keep Bella safe, alive. Then, we profess our love for each other. And now, I am hiding out in her room, sneaking around like some silly teenage boy, awaiting the return of my love.

Her perfume saturated every inch of this room, and strangely, the burn seemed less powerful, but only by a touch. I do believe I am growing accustomed to the burn of her essence. It would be like my thirst, part of my mind would always smell her, always long to taste her, but I would not let it take over me. I would relegate it to another part of my consciousness, knowing it was there, but refusing to give it center stage.

Charlie's partially closed mind revealed bits of his day, and his growing alarm at Bella's strange behavior. He mentally noted to check on her later, something about a battery. I surmised from the tone he would be altering her truck's ability to drive later. I shook my head at the ridiculousness of his future actions. As if anything could stop Bella from getting what she wanted.

"Mike Newton…you said he was friendly" The boys' name caught my attention. I did not like the Newton child, he was infatuated with Bella. His vile thoughts flipped quickly thru my photographic memory and a jealous rage instantly filled my vision, coloring everything red.

"He's just a friend, Dad" was Bella's belabored reply. I smirked at the exasperation in her voice, and my momentary jealous rage had dissipated.

I listened to her heart thrum as she feigned tiredness, trudging comically, and very loudly, up the stairs. Her breathing escalated as she reached the top, walking quickly into her room. I watched from the comfort of her small bed as Bella waltzed to her window and unceremoniously threw it open, and called out to me in a frantic whisper.

"Edward?"

"Yes?" I couldn't help but laughing at her hanging out the window, the beatific Juliet, waiting for her Romeo to call back to her.

"Oh!" She spun around, rather deftly, and a delicious flush of scarlet colored her skin.

"I'm sorry" I repressed another chuckle as she sunk to the floor. Her heart was beating madly, her breathing erratic. I had really startled her.

"Just give me a moment to restart my heart."

I had no desire to be away from her for any length of time. I picked her up by the shoulders eager to feel the heat of her body next to mine.

"Why don't you sit with me. How's the heart?"

"You tell me—I'm sure you hear it better than I do." I was laughing again as I held her smoldering hand in mine. Ah…I breathed in a fresh waft of her essence, and noted the burn in another part of my thoughts.

"Can I have a minute to be human?"

"Certainly." I motioned for her to go.

"Stay" She commanded

"Yes Ma'am" I responded, clutching the edge of her bed, an unmoving slab of stone.

She grabbed her human necessities and ran to the shower. I relaxed, slightly, as I listened to her heart, the most beautiful sound in my world. Charlie seemed to be engrossed in a football game; his thoughts were mundane, something about a yellow flag and bad eyes. I listened to Bella steadily brushing her teeth, the sound of the bristles each making its own high pitched scratching noise on the enamel of her teeth. Her heart was still racing, but it was slightly calmer.

She seemed to be taking her time, and I was impatiently awaiting her return. I again thought of our day together. The way she looked in the sunlight, the way she gasped at my sparkly skin. The feel of her body pressed against mine as we ran together.

"Night Bella" I heard the surprise in his thoughts at her wet hair and pajamas.

She entered her room, breathless and excited. My mouth twitched in an attempt to suppress a smile at the sight of her nighttime attire. She was dressed in an old, thread-bare t-shirt and sweatpants. She has never looked so lovely to me, so beautiful and full of life.

"Nice" I remarked. She rolled her eyes at me, hiding her embarrassment. "No, it looks good on you"

"Thanks." She didn't believe me at all.

"What was all that for?"

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."

"Oh. Why?" I was being facetious. Charlie was a cop, he knew all the tale-tell signs of a teenage girl with a hidden agenda.

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited." She grimaced, knowing the sparkle in her eyes had given her away.

"You look very warm, actually." She had been away from me for far too long. I yearned to feel the heat of her bare skin. "Mmmmmm" She smelled absolutely delicious after a shower. The water evaporating off of her hair helped the air to taste even better than before. It was very alluring and maddening at the same time. The two cravings crashing together simultaneously.

"It seems to be…much easier for you, now, to be close to me."

"Does it seem that way to you?" Her fragile jaw smelled so good, the skin was so soft on my stone face. I brushed her hair away from her, softly so as not to hurt her, and touched her hot neck with my lips. Her heart skipped along in time to my touches, sending its electricity down my own neck.

"Much, much easier." She was breathing much heavier, faster, and her scent was intoxicating me. I felt drunk with my love for her, wallowing in it.

"Hmmm." The burning was imperceptibly less painful, less intense.

"So, I was wondering…"

"Yes?" Her shaky voice was doing things to my self-control; fracturing my resolve to remain serene.

"Why is that…do you think?"

"Mind over matter." I was considering the slow way I wanted to press my lips down her neck and shoulder when she pulled away from me. I froze, overcome with fear she no longer trusted me in such close proximity to her throat. Did she really think I would hurt her? Now?

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

"No—the opposite. You're driving me crazy" She was exasperated.

"Really?" I was making _her_ crazy? I had finally done something to needle her. This pleased me to no end.

"Would you like a round of applause?" She was incredulous.

"I'm just pleasantly surprised. In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with…in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new tome, that I'm good at it…at being with you…" Even Alice hadn't been able to foresee this.

"Your good at everything," and we both laughed at the obviousness of her statement.

"But how can it be so easy now? This afternoon…" She continued, not willing to give up so easily.

"It's not easy, but this afternoon, I was still…undecided. I am sorry about that; it was unforgivable for me to behave so." I was a buffoon; utterly ridiculous.

"Not unforgivable"

"Thank you. You see, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" I picked my words carefully as I gently pressed her fragile hand to my lips. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be…overcome," I inhaled her sweet perfume, needing the pain to sharpen my focus. "I was…susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would…that I ever could…" Crimson eyes, dead lifeless body, broken beyond repair…

"So there's no possibility now?" She asked, having every right to know.

"Mind over matter" I was absolutely resolved on this subject. Her blood would not tempt me like that again.

"Wow, that was easy"

"Easy for you!" I laughed as loud as I dare in the quiet of her house. Charlie wasn't aware of any noise, he continued to focus on the game, berating the referees time and again.

"I'm trying," this was hard for me to admit as I didn't want to alarm her. "If it gets to be …to much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave." The furrow between her brows returned

"And it will be harder tomorrow. I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

"Don't go away, then." Her words were a salve on my questionable soul; the longing in her voice was music to my ears.

"That suits me" I said as I smiled, happier and more at ease than I had been just a few moments ago. "Bring on the shackles—I'm your prisoner." I formed my hands into handcuffs around her wrists, feeling the quickening pulse under her papery thin skin, minding my strength, as always.

"You seem more optimistic than usual. I haven't seen you like this before." She was looking at me, attempting to ferret out some unknown secret.

"Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?" I shook my head at the utter flood of emotions coursing thru my body. I sighed, a peaceful sigh, and smiled.

"Very different. More forceful than I'd imagined."

"For example, the emotion of jealousy," I continued. "I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me. Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?" I didn't like saying the Newton child's name.

"The day you started talking to me again," she said.

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt—I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care. And then the line started forming." Images from the day flitted thru my mind in perfect detail.

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure.

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was _right_, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.

"And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that course through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." That night I was a changed man, no longer the angry, lonely, resentful vampire. Now, only a fool, wretchedly in love with a frail, beautiful human. Her erratic heartbeat sent a thrill of sensations down my spine.

"But jealousy…it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" Snapping his neck would silence those lurid fantasies of his. _Stop it!_

"I should have known you'd be listening"

"Of course."

"That made you feel jealous, though, really?"

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me and everything feels stronger because it's fresh." Human feelings, and cravings. The latter taking me more by surprise than she could know. That human emotion was almost as unsettling as the thirst. I was very aware of her soft skin touching mine, they way her flesh molded to my stone like skin, the way her lips looked as the muscles underneath them moved up and down, the tiny bit of wetness left after she licked them with her warm tongue…_focus! _

"But honestly, for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie—Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie—was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compare with that?"

"There's no competition." I pulled her hands behind my back as she laid her head on my chest. She listened to my silent heart, my slightly unsteady breathing…could she hear it? The hitch in my breath every time she touched me? The way I needed physical contact every second I was with her? Could she gather how much I truly needed her in my life?

"I know there's no competition. That's the problem," she blanched.

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth , no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me. for almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet." The irony was not lost on either of us.

"It hardly seems fair. I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

"You're right, I should make this harder for you, definitely," she was quite amusing.

"You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity…what's that worth?" I was stroking her long hair, feeling the silkiness of it, inhaling the clean, pure burn that would always accompany it.

"Very little—I don't feel deprived of anything."

"Not yet." How could she fathom all the things I had to give up with my transformation? She was so young and naïve, and yet very mature at the same time. She would never have the chance to find out all the human things she would miss as an immortal; I will never take away her humanity for my own purposes.

Suddenly, Charlie's sluggish steps were sounding on the stairs. He was attempting to be stealthy, and he was doing a horrid job. His thoughts wandered around Bella being gone and how he would deal with her. He seemed to be deciding whether or not to stay in her room, something about patrolling the neighborhood was being turned over in his quiet thoughts.

"What—" Bella was alarmed my anxiety. She was attempting to retrieve her hands from my unbreakable hold.

"Lie down!" I hissed, instantly in her closet.

Charlie opened the door, softly, not sure if she would be there, but not wanting to wake her if she was. His mental sigh was very clear, relief painted the sound. He watched her sleep for a moment, flashes of her slumbering as an infant clear as a bell in his mind. A tiny, round baby Bella, sucking on a pacifier, clutching a ragged teddy bear in her chubby fingers. The image was so sweet, my heart ached for him; the love he has for his daughter is immense, and all consuming.

I felt a deep shame, again, for considering Bella's demise. Seeing him now, his soul bared in the dark, revealed the volumes of love his heart held for his dear daughter. I would never know that kind of love, the love of a father for his child, and I was saddened by it. No, I wouldn't be given that gift. I felt a strange kinship with Rosalie for a moment, understanding her a little more than before. Charlie softly closed the door, and Bella continued with her ridiculously loud and horribly unconvincing "sleep" stance. I quickly slid under the covers, holding her curves to my stone chest.

"You are a terrible actress—I'd say that career path is out for you." I whispered in her ear.

"Darn it" she was teasing me as her heart stammered in its' erratic state. I hummed her lullaby, soothing the beats with the soft melody, slowing the flow of blood thru her veins.

"Should I sing you to sleep?"

"Right, like I could sleep with you here!" She giggled softly, embarrassed again by her nervousness.

"You do it all the time"

"But I didn't know you were here" She replied.

"So if you don't want to sleep…" her breath caught in her throat, and I smiled in the dark, wondering what she was thinking about.

"If I don't want to sleep…?" she finally said.

"What do you want to do then?" I knew what I wanted to do…

"I'm not sure" she was having a hard time answering me, her breathing picked up again, along with her heart.

"Tell me when you decide." I knew just how to while away the hours with her, as long as she didn't mind. I breathed in the perfume of her, sliding my nose along the line of her jaw, wallowing in the fire that was slowly becoming an afterthought.

"I thought you were desensitized."

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet. You have a very floral smell, like lavender…or freesia. It's mouthwatering."

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."

She was teasing me a lot tonight. I enjoyed her candor, it was sweet.

"I've decided what I want to do. I want to hear more about you." She said with finality.

"Ask me anything" I replied.

"Why do you do it? I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you …are. Please don't misunderstand; of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place." She didn't want to offend me, but how to explain such a thing as denying who you are, it was not an easy thing for another to comprehend.

"That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others—the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot—they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been dealt a certain hand…it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above—to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can." She was quiet, to quiet. Her total silence was, as always, unnerving.

"Did you fall asleep?" I asked after a few minutes.

"No"

"Is that all you were curious about?"

"Not quite."

"What else do you want to know?"

"Why can you read minds—why only you? And Alice, seeing the future…why does that happen?" I shrugged

"We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory…he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified—like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her…tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness. Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him—calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…"

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved inh the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?" I watched her in the dark to see if she comprehended my theories. Carlisle and I had had this conversation many times in our long years together.

"Let me get this straight—I'm the baby seal, right?" she raised her eyebrows comically and I laughed, kissing her fragrant hair, the thick strands tickling the tip of my nose.

"Right" I said.

"Are you ready to sleep? Or do you have any more questions?" I asked after a moment of thought.

"Only a million or two."

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" her angelic smiled warmed my cold body. The other fire, the human fire, a near constant in my stomach this night, burned slightly warmer.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all."

"I won't leave you." There was no lie in my words, I would not be leaving my Bella, she was far too precious to me.

"One more, then, tonight…" the budding heat in her face was very distracting, it made her aroma all the more pungent.

"What is it?" I prompted

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella, you can ask me anything."

I probed, hopelessly, the silence around her. Groaning in frustration, I shook my head.

"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

"Please?" I used my most persuasive of tones. Her secrecy was too much for me to take.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse that it is. Please?" I was begging now, willing to get on my hands and knees, if need be.

"Well"

"Yes?"

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon..Is that…marriage…the same as it is for humans?"

OH! She is so human, my Bella. "Is that what you're getting at?" I couldn't help but laugh. Bella was silent, looking away from me in the dark.

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same. I told you, most of the human desire are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh."

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" I wasn't too sure what she intended to find out with her question.

"Well, I did wonder …about you and me…someday…"

Faster than I could control, images of us in a lover's embrace filled my vision. I imagined her hot skin crushed against my ice cold body. Her parted lips calling my name again and again, her essence all over my stone skin as we held each other very close, the feeling of her breasts against my frigid chest. Human desire flooded me in and instant, and I froze, attempting to control the human in me, for once more in control the vampire.

"I don't think that…that…would be possible for us." I managed to say.

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that…close?" I quickly pushed away the images of her and me, banishing them to another place, to be reflected on later, much later.

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." Ever so gently, I touched my frigid palm to her fragile cheek.

"If I was to hasty…if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

She said nothing, but her beating heart betrayed her calm façade. "Are you scared?" I asked finally, needing to be reassured.

"No. I'm fine." She was a terrible liar. I loved her all the more for attempting to spare my feelings.

"I'm curious, though, have you ever…?"

"Of course not. I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close." She was blushing again as relief encompassed me. This satisfied some deep, basic need in the human in me.

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all." She sighed

"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." It made me immensely happy, to have this in common with my human love.

"Your human instincts…Well, do you find me attractive, in that way at all?"

I laughed at the absurdity in her question. She had no idea how much I craved her, how attracted to her I was, and how I could do nothing about it.

"I may not be a human, but I am a man." I teased, she yawned.

"I've answered all you questions, now you should sleep."

"I'm not sure if I can."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No!"

I cradled her in my arms as I sang her lullaby to her. Her breathing steadied gradually, and her chest began to rise and fall in a measured rhythm, and I was the happiest I could ever remember in my long, unnatural existence.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Twilight ain't mine

Watching Bella sleep had quickly become my favorite pastime. After that first night, when she changed my life by breathing my name in her sleep, asking me to stay, I had come back, night after night, getting to know her, in a way, while she slept, and talked. Often, on those long and lonely nights, I would fantasize, not like the vile Newton child, how I might hold her in my arms, feel her steady heartbeat next to my non-existent one.

But unlike the putrid images Newton concocted in his mind, I only wanted to feel Bella's breath on my cheek, her hand on my arm, kiss her hair with my lips. And now, only a few short months after she came into my life, here I am, holding her in my arms while she peacefully slept.

I still can't believe what a monumental day today had turned out to be. I was so desperate to leave her alone, and yet completely unable to do so. I was afraid of her, truth be told. I was afraid to talk to her, to touch her, to love her. She should have been absolutely terrified of me, monster that I am, but yet, here she sleeps, in total trust of my abilities. Completely at ease. I long to sleep beside her, dream of her, allow my mind to wander down whatever paths it chooses, unencumbered by waking thoughts.

What would my dreams be? I would be human in my dreams with warm skin and naturally green eyes. I would eat regular food, and sleep deeply, with Bella at my side. I wouldn't worry about hurting her every time I touched her cheek, her hand, her lips. I would be the human man she deserved. But, she doesn't want a human, she wants me, a monster.

No, I am not the monster I used to be, when I hunted humans, but monster I am. My glowing red eyes had told the story of my sin. Carlisle, ever the patient father, waited for me, knowing I would return, the prodigal son. For 10 years, humans were my prey of choice. Human blood tasted so much sweeter than the elk and antelope I regularly feasted on. But humans, oh, the taste was superb; the memory still so strong seventy years later. The vermin I killed truly deserved their fate, but I was not God, and I had no right to act as judge, jury and executioner. Every human I killed left a mark on my soul, if I still had one. The murderers, rapists, and thieves would have been caught, eventually, had I not intervened. But, how much more strife would they have caused before their incarceration? How many innocents had I saved in the taking of the miscreants' lives? Monster that I was, I had enacted some good with my murderous, never ending thirst.

Bella stirred in her sleep, sighed deeply, and began her nightly dialogue.

"No trail? I fall down when I walk" Bella said in a half whisper. She's dreaming about today, of course. I should've been nicer about hiking, knowing her natural affinity for falling, but it was the only way to get to our destination without running. Not that running had been much better. Poor Bella, she almost vomited when we had finished our run. I have to be exceedingly careful with my fragile human love.

"Sparkle…rainbow…so beautiful"

"So beautiful"

She thought I was beautiful, even in her sleep. My cold heart warmed to her words. They lifted me up and I almost felt acceptable, as if I could be what she needed, what she deserved.

She loved my sparkly skin, wondering over the miracle of the rainbows that scattered across the grass in the sunlight. I remember the first time Carlisle showed me the secret of my skin, and why we stayed out of the sun.

He said, "We sparkle in the sun." He pictured his own arm in the sun, glittery and bright with fractured rays of light reflecting off the stone planes of his forearm. My ability to read minds was a wildly unexpected turn of events. Carlisle was less concerned with my gift, instead focusing on my mental status, and all my new life would entail.

"Sparkle, as in diamonds?" I asked, still uncomprehending what he had shown me. I had only been a vampire for one day, waking up after three days of the burning fire. He had shown me so many things, I thought my head would burst open from all the information.

My last dim memories had been of my dear mother laying a cool washcloth on my forehead, of her holding my hand, telling me she loved me. I held onto these memories as best I could as the years passed. My next memory, besides the horrible pain, was Carlisle by my side, explaining how I was now a vampire, he had made me, and we were to drink the blood of animals. My first hunt was a comedy of errors, and wildly fantastic at the same time. After I was sated, he took me up a mountain, we ran there, and showed me my new skin.

I was amazed and devastated at the same time. I was a carnival side show patrons would pay a nickel to see with their own eyes. I didn't want this. I wanted to go to war, to fight for my country, to prove I was a man worthy of my heritage. I wanted my father to be proud of me, my human father. He was gone, of course, Carlisle didn't have to tell me anything, I could see the evidence in his thoughts.

"Edward, we cannot go into the sun wherever humans might see us. They will know what we are, and we will have to leave. If we stay hidden on sunny days, we can stay here, we can have a somewhat normal life. You will hunt only animals, you will stay away from the sun, and you will never sleep again."

Sleeping, I missed it in the sense you miss you childhood teddy. I can see Bella, deep in slumber, and only vaguely remember the sensation of falling asleep, but I miss it nonetheless.

"Don't hurt me!" She said frantically, and I immediately tensed and looked to her face. Bella was still sleeping, but the fear in her voice had me reeling in despair. "Don't be sad….not sad" she says softly. I relax, slightly, at the realization that she is dreaming of my idiotic performance.

I shook my head in the dark, trying to dissipate the images from my own head, knowing I would remember every detail in perfect clarity for all of eternity. I would never forgive myself for acting as such. My sadness was overwhelming. She could sense it in the meadow, even though I tried my best to bury the feelings. I guess it was necessary to show her what I was capable of, my strength, my speed, my allure and she needed to be scared, and what else could I do but show her all that I was. I had been on my best behavior after the incident. Apparently, it was still something to ponder, if only in her dreams.

"I love you."

My breath caught.

My stone heart lurched in my chest.

Just as it was the first night I heard her breath my name in her sleep, the flood of emotion overtook me and I let myself drown in the warmth and absolute happiness I now felt coursing thru my body. With those three simple words, she made all my pain, all my loneliness, all my internal struggling worthwhile. She is truly my life, my everything. I was nothing before this lovely creature tumbled into my life. I thought again of the irresponsible angel, and how glad I was she had made Bella for me.

"Love you" she sighed again, and drifted deeper into sleep. I knew by the sound her eyes were making, as they rolled around in their sockets, that she was in deep REM sleep, and there would be no more talking for tonight. I relished the way 'I love you' sounded in her voice. I will never tire of hearing it. I will never tire of feeling it. She is my destiny.

I silently crawled out of her window and jumped to the ground below. Free from human eyes, I ran with unnatural speed thru the sleeping town. The sun would be rising in a few hours, and I wanted to celebrate with my family. I was delirious with jubilation, feeling alive and happy and unafraid of what the future might hold. Our love is all I need, for however long my existence on this earth lasts. I will not think of her mortality, not tonight. I will only feel fulfilled and complete in her.

As I approached my house, Alice appeared on the front porch, beaming and jumping up and down with little hops of joy. She had seen what happened, of course, and was almost as happy as I.

_I knew it! You are stronger than you think!! I am so happy for you, and happy for me! I can't wait to become friends with Bella!!! _Her thoughts jumbled together as she quickly made plans for a future makeover and fashion show. I laughed easily and gave my sister a big hug.

"Thank you for believing in me, Alice" I said, the joy written all over my face. I haven't smiled this much in my whole existence, and I liked the way it felt. I picked Alice up, and ran into the house with her on my shoulder, kicking and screaming.

"Jasper!! Help!! Edward is happy and I don't know what to do!! Help!!" She yelled playfully. I put her down, but not before my entire family had appeared in the living room, looks of shock and dismay on their faces. I couldn't blame them, though, after all I had put them through since Bella had first come into our lives. They still didn't know what I had done, I could hear the questions in their thoughts. I was free to love Bella, and in control of my natural want of her blood.

_I didn't tell them yet. I thought I would let you have the honors. Not too bad on the first kiss. How was it? _Alice was smirking at me. The smile I gave her was almost too big for my face. Jasper was at her side, watching me with narrowed eyes.

_Hmmm. Stronger than we all thought. I wonder how long it will last. Her scent is so powerful, so flavorful, I wouldn't trust myself around her, at least I bet with Alice. Now Emmett is going to have to pay up, and how,_ Jasper thought.

Emmett walked up to me next. "Well, she's still alive? Very nice, bro. Good job" Emmett shook my hand, nodding his head. _I couldn't have done it, no way. You're stronger than I gave you credit for, bro. I'm proud of you. Although I still think you're off your rocker. _ Admiration was painted all over his face. I laughed and shook my head.

Rosalie, on the other hand, was just as sardonic as before. She rolled her eyes, and made a face as she walked away. _Still alive, hmm? Well I guess we should all be very thankful to you and you superior self-control, or should I say lack of self-control. Should have put my money on Edward, should've known better. Of course, if he can resist me, he can resist anything. Now I have to put NOS on Emmett's Jeep. What a pain that will be; I'll have to special order a mounting rack. No one puts nitrous oxide on a Jeep 4X4, only my Emmett. It will be pretty funny, though, seeing a Jeep jump up and go 100mph at the flip of a switch. I'll never bet against Alice again. Hmph. Stupid human… _I stopped listening to Rosalie's litany once she started thinking about taking apart Emmett's undercarriage to make the extra tubing fit just right. At least she wasn't spewing vitriol at me anymore, which was something.

They had bet against me, in adolescent fashion, and against Alice. Jasper bet Emmett, and Emmett bet Rosalie. Emmett both won and lost at the same time. Jasper wanted to play paintball, with specially rigged semi-automatic rifles, and bet Emmett wouldn't be able to hit him in the deep forest. Emmett quickly agreed to the challenge, but now wasn't so sure, so instead he concentrated on the future NOS upgrade to his Jeep. Carlisle and Esme had not bet, finding it extremely distasteful. I couldn't agree more. I didn't let their immature games spoil my good mood.

Esme could hardly contain her enthusiasm. She was so happy to see me as in love and as happy as she and Carlisle were. Her thoughts were only for my future and Bella and our love for one another.

"Oh, Edward!" she gushed. "It's so wonderful! I'm so very proud of you. You have amazing control. Maybe you should go into medicine like Carlisle!" She laughed and hugged my neck, kissing my cheek. I was so lucky to have her as my mother. Her love and passion were always foremost in her thoughts. I never worried she would be angry with me if things had turned out differently; she was, as always, only concerned for my well-being. _So happy for you. When can we meet her? Soon, I hope. I have to meet the human girl who stole my son's heart._

Carlisle was at my side instantly, shaking my hand in congratulations. "Son, I never had a doubt. I knew you would make the right choice. I knew you would protect our family and keep Bella safe. You have incredible self-control, you should be very pleased. I have never been more proud of you." Carlisle, always the compassionate one. So caring and forgiving. He never brought up my past transgressions, he only looked to the future, always expecting the best from me.

"Thank you, Carlisle. And yes, Esme, I was thinking I would bring Bella by later this morning to meet you all. If that is ok with everyone." I looked directly at Rosalie, but she was at the computer, her back to me, already searching for the correct equipment with which to upgrade Emmett's Jeep. _Whatever, Edward. I don't want to have anything to do with her. Don't expect open arms and a' welcome home' from me, or Emmett. You're an idiot. We are still in danger, you know, I don't care what kind of control you have. Just keep her away from me._

I smiled at Rosalie's back, and Emmett rolled his eyes, knowing she was going to be a handful later. I didn't envy him the coming litany she would no doubt unleash on him later. I almost felt sorry for him, almost.

"Of course, Edward. We would love to meet Bella formally. Rosalie will be on her best behavior, or she will leave the premises." Carlisle would have no confrontations regarding Bella and our family. "Emmett, I trust you will behave as well?"

"I'm fine. I can't wait to see this. A _human_ in our house! Unbelievable" Rosalie snorted when he mentioned seeing Bella in person. _Maybe I won't be here, bro, _he thought.

I looked at Alice and she was shaking her head. I didn't care about Rosalie and her temper tantrum. She would have to come to terms with Bella at some point. She was going to be around a lot if I had anything to say about it.

"Jasper, are you going to be alright with Bella here?" I spoke aloud.

Jasper's thoughts were a tangle of emotions. He was struggling, not wanting to hurt her, and not wanting to hurt Alice if he didn't make friends with Bella. He was thinking about a quick hunt, just to be on the safe side.

"Don't worry, Jasper. You'll do great. I can see it. You have nothing to worry about."

Alice squeezed his hand and smiled her winningly at him. He didn't look convinced, but was resigned to trust her visions.

_You better get dressed if you intend to be there when she wakes. Your clothes are on your couch. Hurry! _Alice's thoughts were very excited.

I shook my head and laughed quietly. "I do know how to dress myself, Alice"

"I know, but you look so much better when I do it." She was right, of course. She was always dressing us, whether she laid out our clothes or not, since she bought everything we wore.

Alice stuck her tongue out at me, and lopped off upstairs with Jasper at her side. His thoughts were still on our upcoming visit with Bella. He was tremulous and worried, and attempting to calm himself down.

Carlisle and Esme watched me as I flitted upstairs to change clothes. I was elated as I thought of the day ahead of us. I was excited to introduce my family to her, show her my house, my room. Would she be afraid of my family? Alice was more than excited to be friends with Bella; she was practically jumping up and down this very moment, excitedly picking out her outfit, and Jasper's.

I looked outside, seeing the first faint rays of cloudy sunlight just over the ridge of the mountains. I ran downstairs and out the door to Bella's house. I arrived after only a few minutes, and easily climbed into her window. She was still sleeping peacefully and deeply. I could hear the faint rustling of Charlie's thoughts as he woke up.

I laughed quietly to myself as I remembered he had dismantled her battery cable before heading off to bed last night. He attempted to be quiet, but the sound of the hood being lifted and cables being tugged were exceedingly loud to me; Bella hadn't heard a thing, she was too engrossed in our conversation. I kept tabs on Charlie's muted thoughts as I reaclimated myself to her fiery scent. I had only been gone for an hour, and the pain was subdued torture. I took in a deep breath and welcomed the fire, relegating thoughts of her thudding heart and flowing blood to another part of my mind.

I concentrated on Bella's face, memorizing the soft curves of her cheeks, the way her hair fanned out around her, the gentle rise and fall of her chest. I was overcome with love for her, my sleeping beauty. How did I deserve such a love as this? It was incomprehensible to me. In all my long years, I never imagined a love like this could live in my unyielding body, and yet, I felt as if I was yielding, more malleable than before. As if Bella's love had softened my stone body.

* * *

I listened to Charlie re-hook Bella's battery cables and drive off to another day of fishing with Harry Clearwater. Bella stirred in her sleep, stretching slightly, then settling back into sleep. The steady thud of her heart unchanging.

I sat in her rocker, and waited for her to wake. As the muted sunlight grew lighter, rays of the morning light fell across her face, casting shadows on her delicate features. It would be cloudy today, as always, but not as cold. I didn't feel the cold anymore; I actually couldn't remember the sensation of cold or freezing, only warmth. I dimly remember being covered with a tatty blanket my last few days as a human, but beyond that fleeting memory, I couldn't grasp the want of a cover or jacket; those things were only decorations to me now.

I noted a sudden hitch in Bella's heartbeat as her breathing changed ever so slightly. Ah, my sleeping beauty was finally waking. It was torture to sit and wait to see her beautiful eyes, so full of questions and wonder at what she now knew of my life. I was almost willing to make some sort of noise to hurry up the transition from sleep to awake, but that would be impossibly rude, and I detested the thought of being rude to Bella. She only deserved to be treated in the best of ways, with the utmost of respect, and that I could give her, besides my love, of course.

She stretched out her arms and rolled around. I yearned to touch her soft cheek, to caress her neck with the softest of kisses, to trace the fine veins of her arm. I watched her eyes open and, with great alarm, she sat up and a startled "OH!" escaped from her full lips.

She looked truly beautiful this morning. "Your hair looks like a haystack." I was teasing her. Bella could be bald and I would still find her more attractive than any so called "supermodel" gracing the covers of current fashion magazines. "But, I like it." I raised one eyebrow to prove my point as a smile spread across my face.

"Edward! You stayed!" She gasped as she ran to me, embracing me with her soft, warm arms. She pulled her head back to look at me; a slight look of embarrassment crossed her features. I only had love in my eyes for her and her apparent enthusiasm. She physically expressed what I felt, only she was much cuter than I would be.

"Of course" I answered, as if I had anywhere else to be. Wherever Bella was, that is where I wanted to be, and nowhere else.

"I was sure it was a dream" she said to herself. I was no dream, more like a nightmare, but even my usual negativity couldn't break my happy spirits this morning. I heard her inhale my seductive scent, and I, in turn, inhaled her natural fire.

"You're not that creative" I teased her. She looked at me with wary eyes, and my smile grew even wider. I was the happiest vampire on the face of this wretched Earth. I had won the lottery, first place on "American Idol", the finalist on "Project Runway".

Bella sucked in a deep breath, "Charlie!" and she ran to the door. I chuckled and shook my head as she stopped short and regarded me with chagrin.

"He left an hour ago—after reattaching you battery cables, I might add. I have to admit I was disappointed." I imagined a trapped Bella, snaking down a makeshift rope out her window at midnight, sneaking away to meet her love in the middle of the night. The thought renewed my smile as I then imagined how she would likely slip off the rope, break her leg, and cry out for Charlie in the night, needing him to take her to the E.R. where my father would, most likely, end up taking care of her. "Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?" Her klutzy nature made her all the more endearing to me.

She stood in the middle of her room, seeming to make a decision about her current situation. Her head whipped back and forth several times comically. "Your not usually this confused in the morning" I noted and realization lighted her face.

"I need another human minute." She was slightly embarrassed again, but I relented. I would miss her terribly, but it would only be for a few moments, and I could be patient. I should turn her just so I wouldn't have to ever wait for her and her "human moments."

STOP!!!

What was I thinking? I wouldn't change her…her human moments were what made my life bearable; knowing she was human kept me on track and in control of my all too vampire needs. Away from the thoughts that drew my eyes to the way her tattered

pants cupped her hips, the way her stretched out shirt hugged her curves ever so softly.

Focus.

"I'll wait"

I watched as she skipped out of her room and went to the bathroom. I listened intently to the erratic beat of her heart, the too fast brushing of her teeth, the sound of water upon her skin. I imagined touching her soft cheek, her fragile neck, the soft bones of her clavicle.

She returned before my fantasy could escalate any further.

"Welcome back" I said as I stretched out my arms, longing to feel the warmth of her embrace on my cold skin. I would never tire of her hot skin, the smell of her essence.

She eagerly climbed into my lap and my embrace. We sat there, in glorious silence. I rocked her back and forth, memorizing the way she felt in my arms, how brittle her bones were inside her skin. I thought of all the humans I had killed in my former life as a "normal" vampire. How many families had I ripped apart with my selfishness? How many lives had I saved because of my lack of control. I warred with my conscious on this subject many times, and my conscious always won, always left me feeling guilty. I mourned those whose lives I had taken, and wondered how I deserved to feel love with such abandon. I was not worthy of this woman. I would forever grovel at her feet to earn her affection if need be.

Bella perked up, suddenly, and noted my change of clothes. She looked at me with attempted anger.

"You left?" She accused, and she was right. How to explain the joy and happiness the night had brought to me. The utter unashamed ness her love had caused in me. She had transformed me again.

"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in—what would the neighbors think?" As if I cared what other humans thought of me. I had never worried about humans and their simple thoughts before Bella. They were but a mere amusement to me and my family. I only listened for speculation of us and our peculiar ness, and rarely worried about anything else. The thought of any controversy over my staying the night was pure folly, as if I would let any human see me enter my love's window, as if I would let them live to tell about it if they had.

I quickly shook that image from my mind.

"You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything. The talking came earlier." I widened my eyes and flashed my gleaming teeth at her. She answered my expression with one of terror. Wonder and fear passed thru her fathomless eyes.

"What did you hear?" She groaned and her eyes showed the worry she held in her heart.

I said simply, "You said you loved me." The remembered emotions almost too much too bear. The fullness in my heart bursting forth with love and adoration at what those few words meant to me.

"You knew that already," and she hid her face in my shoulder. I wanted badly to watch the play of emotions in her deep eyes, but she knew better and kept them from me.

"It was nice to hear, just the same." Nice, what a silly word. Nice could never encompass the extent of feelings drowning me at the moment she uttered her words of love.

"I love you," she whispered. Dry tears of happiness filled my eyes and my soul. Her heartbeat sped up and distracted me. I tuned in, automatically, to the sound of her flowing blood, of her ventricles opening and closing.

"You are my life now." The truth was more than I could take. It was hard for me to breathe steadily. My eyes grew bleary and unfocused. I clutched Bella tightly, but carefully so as not to break her. The depth of my love for her was deeper than the sea, more infinite than space, more limitless than time. My life before Bella had been a shell. Now, she filled me with an immeasurable happiness. She was my savior and my personal Heaven. I would never be the same.

My life before was only the cover of a book, with no pages in between. Now, with Bella, my life's story was being written with the new human emotion of love. For a vampire, love was so much more than just a fleeting desire; it was all encompassing, all consuming. She was my everything; my life was not enough of a descriptor for what she meant to me. I couldn't come up with the words to describe what she was to me. How utterly precious, how totally a part of my existence she now was. How do you explain to oxygen how vital it is to your existence? Bella is my oxygen. I cannot breathe without her.

It suddenly occurred to me Bella might be hungry, as the churning of her stomach grew louder with every minute. "Breakfast time" I sang to her in a silly voice. She, in turn, grabbed her throat, and looked absolutely terrified of my statement. The shock on my face instantly prompted her to smile.

"Kidding" she laughed easily, calming my battered spirits. "And you said I couldn't act!"

She played a wretched trick on me, one I was not likely to forget. Her so called joke made me painfully aware of our differences. She was human, I was a monster. She wouldn't let me forget, even in jest. I sensed no ugliness in her ill-fated joke, and still I was reeling in sadness at the honesty in her early morning prodding.

"That wasn't funny." I said flatly.

"It was very funny, and you know it" she argued. It was sort of funny, except it cut much deeper than she had intended. Wanting to return to our earlier banter and ease, I restated my earlier observance.

"Shall I rephrase? Breakfast time for the human." Again, our differences were blindingly apparent.

"Oh, okay." She seemed to be playing along for now. I easily picked her up, she weighed nothing to me, and carried her to the kitchen over my shoulder. Her weak protests amused me to no end. I sat her down, relishing the feel of her body as it slid down my stone façade. I was momentarily speechless; strong human hormones rushed through my body.

Focus!!!

"What's for breakfast?" she asked happily. I didn't know what she meant at first. Did she expect me to cook her some horrid collection of food? I could barely tolerate the smell, was I now supposed to stand at the stove and cook for her, like some movie version of a husband who took care of his sweet wife?

As if I ever deserved to have Bella as my wife.

I could never hope for such a bounty.

"Er, I'm not sure. What would you like?" I asked as various commercial images of stylized food flipped through my mind. How exactly did one make an "enchilada" and how could something so disgusting be so tantalizing to humans. I was whiter than normal as I considered the thought of touching dead meat, exsanguinated of all blood and appeal.

"That's all right, I fend for myself pretty well." She hopped up and walked to the pantry.

"Watch me hunt." Now, this might be fun. If Bella was half as good at cooking as she was at, let's say walking, we might be going to see my father sooner than expected. Bella proceeded to open cabinet doors and drawers as she gathered the accoutrements of her breakfast feast. She poured cereal into a bowl, then added some milk. The smell of the sickly sweet meal filled the air, and I momentarily considered leaving. Bella smiled at me, happy to have me there with her.

"Can I get you anything?" She had to be kidding. Unless she had an elk living in her ice-box, nothing in this kitchen, besides her of course, held any interest for me.

"Just eat, Bella." She considered me for another moment, then scooped some cereal into her mouth. The crunching noise was quite loud, even with her mouth closed. I smiled and watched her, the way her jaw moved up and down, the muscles working together as her teeth ground her food up. I noticed her eyes were slightly puffy. She didn't get enough sleep last night. I would make sure she got the required amount of sleep from now on. Last night was the first of many nights I planned on spending with Bella sleeping in my cold arms.

"What's on the agenda for today?" she asked.

"Hmmm" I couldn't wait to introduce her to my family. I hoped she wouldn't be overwhelmed by our collective presence. How to ask without giving away my enthusiasm? I took in a deep breath and said, "How would you like to meet my family?"

Her eyes almost popped out of their sockets as she swallowed her last bite of cereal.

"Are you afraid now?" Her trepidation was amusing. Being alone with me was much more dangerous than my family; she would never hold the same allure for them as she did for me. "Don't be afraid. I'll protect you." I had to hold in a chuckle at the real terror she seemed to be feeling.

"I'm not afraid of _them_, I'm afraid they won't…like me." Her reasoning was utter foolishness. Esme already loved Bella, sight unseen and Alice…well Alice was on pins and needles waiting to be friends with Bella. "Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone…like me..home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?"

Her fears were mostly unfounded. Humans worried so very much how others perceived them, if they thought they were pretty or smart or whatever. If humans only knew what I knew, that they were truly all the same underneath. They all had the same fears and hopes, the packaging was the only true difference.

"Oh, they already know everything." They actually knew more than I would like them to know at this point, but I couldn't hide from them my true feelings; it was impossible now. "They'd taken bets yesterday, you know, on whether I'd bring you back," My brothers' lack of empathy was quite disheartening, what did they know of my love for Bella? "Though, why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine."

I am betting against Alice.

I will win.

"At any rate, we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that." And our hearing abilities, and our sight. No, living with vampires meant no privacy at all.

"And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that." She had been listening very carefully.

"You paid attention"

"I've been know to do that every now and then," she said sarcastically as she made a face at me. If she only knew how truly observant she was. "So, did Alice see me coming?"

Alice saw us in the meadow, me shimmering in the sunlight, Bella an unformed shadow, there, but not really there. I remembered all the anxiety of those first few days, the anger, the heartbreak I had caused my parents, the fighting. "Something like that." I turned to face the window, wishing away the dreadful images of the two Bellas. One immortal, one dead. I would let neither come to fruition.

"Is that any good?" I needed her to distract me from the horrible images in my mind. "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing." I looked absolutely dreadful. Soggy bits of roughage and sugar swirling around a bowl full of white liquid meant only for the nourishment of a calf.

"Well, it's no irritable grizzly…" she responded as I grappled with the two pictures that would not leave me in peace.

Alice's visions were subjective. Any one small decision could change the end result. I would change that end result. My vision of Bella as an old lady, happy and human, was foremost in my thoughts. We could live together, in peace and free from fear. I spun out our lives quickly, thinking only of the positive. Her laughter, the lines around her eyes as she grew older, my strength and "hearing" would protect and elongate her life until her heart gave out in sheer exhaustion. I would not tarry in following her death.

No, this earth would hold nothing for me once she was gone. I again thought of the immortal Bella. Would it be so bad if she were a vampire like me? We could live together for eternity; we would fear nothing, as nothing could harm us. We would be a united front. Any danger, any fears would be mine for the taking.

I couldn't fathom the strength it would take to keep me from taking her life.

If I got just one small taste of her blood, it would likely be the end of me and any resemblance I had of Carlisle and his ways. The thought of her blood in my mouth was too much. I looked out her father's window, focusing on the minute amount of dust and the spindly threads of a spider's web in the corner. I swallowed the venom in my mouth, hating the taste of it, wanting to be anything, besides a monster.

Charlie's face, and his memory of a baby Bella flooded my mind. It would devastate him if she were anything but Bella. He would never be able to comprehend or understand any change in her. I clung to the image of Charlie and his grief if his daughter were different. Of course, he wouldn't know what was wrong; he wouldn't be able to guess the magnitude of what she had become. I clung to anything, any image, to keep my bearings straight.

"And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think." He should know about me. The sooner the better. He would be another lifeline to keeping Bella a human.

"He already knows you," she reminded me. He didn't really know me, he only knew of me. If he really knew me, he would never let Bella out of his sight again.

"As you boyfriend, I mean."

"Why?" She asked. I was incredulous. Why? Because I still needed someone to know where she was when she wasn't visible to the public eye. He needed to know with whom she was spending her time with.

"Isn't that customary?" I tried to sound innocent, not knowing if it worked.

"I don't know" She hesitated, forming her words carefully, not wanting to hurt my feelings in the process. "That's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to…I mean, you don't have to pretend for me."

Bella had lost her mind in the space of 2.47 minutes. How could she think, after all I had been through to protect her life, that I would pretend to want to be her boyfriend? I was momentarily incensed, and totally devastated. I only pretended to be human, I had no reason to pretend I loved her.

"I'm not pretending"

She regarded her cereal. There were a few bits of the putrid stuff floating about in her bowl. She wasn't looking at me, and it was driving me mad. I wanted to see her eyes, understand the emotions behind her words. She continued to avoid me. I glowered, and spoke to harshly towards her.

"Are you going to tell Charlie I'm you boyfriend or not?" I regretted my words as soon as they had left my mouth. These human emotions were very powerful, and harder to control than I would have thought. I wanted Charlie to know about us, and about my lingering presence. He was a cop and would undoubtedly think the worst about me. A teenage boy with the ever present hormones. After all, he was young once too.

"Is that what you are?" The expression on her face was too much to bear. I could see the fear and angst in her features. She knew exactly how much I loved her, I had showed her, after all, by keeping her alive.

"It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy', I'll admit." Her floundering was actually causing me pain. Why couldn't she just tell me exactly what she was thinking? The confusion and utter impatience was almost too much to bear.

"I was under the impression that you were something more, actually." Ahh, but how to explain that to Charlie. Bella was my everything, my life, my very breath. He wouldn't be able to comprehend the depth of my love for Bella…it was even deeper than his own love for her.

"Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details." Did he need to know how much she really meant to me? He could never understand my absolutely, unquenchable thirst for her presence. Her scent was bad enough, but my love was so much more persistent, so much more powerful. He would be kept in the dark as to that part of our relationship for as long as possible.

"But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me." As if a restraining order could stop me from my destiny. Much like the disconnected battery cable, it would take much more to keep me away from Bella.

"Will you be?" She asked me, absurdly, as if I could ever leave her alone. "Will you really be here?" Her eyes swam in a river of unshed tears. I desperately wanted to wipe away any fear from her soul, but I knew I would leave her if it meant she would be safer without me. I pushed the image away from me, burying it deep within my conscience.

"As long as you want me" I answered. What else could I say. I was infatuated with her. She was my life blood, more important to me than my own existence.

"I'll always want you…forever" Her words were a salve to my soul, yet, they grieved me. Forever was longer than she could imagine.

She looked deeply into my eyes, and I wondered if they betrayed my true feelings. "Does that make you sad?" she asked suddenly, and my silent heart thumped against my cold chest. Sad? The depth of my sadness was incomprehensible to her. Humans could only bear so much pain, so much sadness.

The luck in being a vampire was that we could comprehend any amount of pain and suffering, no matter how great or small. My extraordinary senses let nothing slip by unnoticed, unlike most humans who mainly lived in a haze. Any slight variation in tone or uptake in breath was noticed by my kind. It was excruciating, at the very least, to hear the bereft tone in her voice.

She watched me with unblinking eyes, wondering filling them as she waited for a response from me. Our lives were forever entwined; our futures were cloudy and unwritten. The immortal Bella filled my vision once more. I concentrated on her crimson eyes, her pale, cold skin, and shuddered. I wouldn't doom her to forever.

"Are you finished?" She blinked, finally, and startled out of her thoughts.

"Yes."

"Get dressed—I'll wait here." She nodded and cleaned her bowl and spoon, and tromped upstairs. I concentrated on the sound the hangers made as Bella slid them across the bar in her closet. A complex matrix of emotions battled within me. She would want human experiences as forever spun on. I couldn't give her what a human man could. I love her, but I could never physically love her, and she would want that one day. I couldn't give her children; I could only give her me.

I hoped it would be enough.

I heard Bella's door open, and I moved to stand in front of the stairs. "Okay, I'm decent," she said as she ran into me, not seeing me in time. I held her onto her frail body, noting her outfit.

She was wearing my favorite blue blouse. It flowed like water over her delicate curves, showing off the skin of her throat, the lines of her clavicle. My eyes drank in the sight of her narrow waist, the long skirt hiding her perfect legs.

I pulled her closer, breathing in her scent, feeling it blaze down my throat. "Wrong again. You are utterly indecent."

I closed my eyes as I brushed my cheek against hers. I relished the heat, the softness. "No one should look so tempting, it's not fair." She tempted me in so many new ways, human ways.

"Tempting how? I can change…" she stuttered as I breathed slowly by her ear.

"You are so absurd." I slowly moved my face towards hers and softly kissed her forehead, the heat burning my lips a most delicious way. Her heart was thumping sporadically, her blood flow much faster than before. Her natural physical reactions to me mirrored my internal churning.

"Shall I explain how you are tempting me?" My human nature took over. I was unable to control it anymore. My breathing hitched as I traced her delicate spine, listening to her heart beat alarmingly faster. I drank in the feel of her body pressed next to mine, the softness of her breasts, the delicate bones of her hands as they lay flat against my stone chest. I felt her hot breath on my neck, and savored it, wishing my breath were as hot. I leaned in towards her, a fierce wanting growing inside of me, stronger than the need for her blood.

I quickly swallowed the venom in my mouth.

She tilted her head slightly, and I touched her soft lips. The heat rolling off of them stunned me, enveloped me. A thousand pulses of electricity shot down my neck, and into my turbulent stomach. I was trembling with lust. I wanted to taste her, and parted her lips, aching for the flavor they held.

Bella's body folded into me as she lost consciousness.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

"Bella?" I pratically screamed at her. I held her fragile human body in my arms as she swam into consciousness. Her lank, soft body alarmed me.

"You..made…me …faint," she whispered. I was beside myself with worry. Quickly, my mind flipped through the multitude of medical knowledge it held, and I could come up with nothing. I had only kissed her soft lips and nothing else. I was careful not to harm her, or to break her jaw with my strength.

"What am I going to do with you" I said to myself, more than to her, but to my great astonishment, she looked at me with wide eyes; wanting to answer, but unable too.

"Yesterday I kiss you," The most memorable day in my long and lonely existence, "and you attack me!" I wish we could have continued that attack, but alas, I had to hold back. My vampire nature would have taken over, and one of Alice's visions would have come true. "Today you pass out on me!" I could never tell Emmett…he would never let me live it down.

"So much for being good at everything." I breathed in a deep sigh, and relished the fire. She had complimented me on being an expert at many human things, such as kissing, but I was finding out I was as much a novice as she was.

"That's the problem….Your too good. Far, far too good." Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and I searched my medical training for any indication of trauma or injury. Her frail human body shuddered from lack of oxygen. My own body shuddered with unfulfilled desire.

"Do you feel sick?" I asked, wanting any distraction from the feel of her body crushed against mine. Her fast breath overwhelming any sense of control I thought I had over my growing need of her.

"No—that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all." What other kind of fainting is there? You lose consciousness, which is the only kind of fainting I know of…" I don't know what happened…I think I forgot to breathe.." Bella replied.

I listened to the somewhat steady beat of her heart. Her heart usually beat at 64 beats per minute, which for her age and state of health, is actually quite good. Carlisle commented on it once to me that she seemed very healthy for a human teenager. '_Teenagers are not known for their healthy habits', _he said_,' but Bella is unusually healthy and vigor_.' Now, her heart was beating at a very unhealthy 92 beats per minute. She should be running full speed to accomplish a rate such as this. Her alabaster skin was chalky, almost as white as mine, and her skin was clammy. Her human reaction to my kiss was somewhat comical, considering her reaction to my endeavors just 12 hours ago.

"I can't take you anywhere like this" I said, and she seemed to perk up, if only a little.

"I'm fine" she insisted. "Your family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?" Little did she know, I already had the market cornered on insanity. How many vampires fall in love with a human, after all?

I watched her as blood filled her skin with color, returning her to her natural pale tone; just a few shades pinker than my natural chalky tone. My eyes wandered to the valley of her throat, and the blood that pulsed just under the thin skin. "I'm very partial to that color with you skin," I said to distract myself from the heat that was overtaking me. I needed to get her away from my body…I was still holding her close, and it was too much for the human in me to take…much less the vampire.

She flushed and her cheeks turned the most delectable color of pink I have ever seen. The ripest of apples, the sweetest of strawberries, paled in comparison to the beautiful pallor of her face.

"Look, I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?" She asked. I had to suppress a chuckle as I contemplated her true apprehension.

"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?" I could see recognition dawning in her eyes.

"That's right" she answered without fear. I shook my head at the absurdity. Humans were utterly irritating in their fears of the unknown. Bella did not fear for her own well being, only for her acceptance. It was utter ridiculousness

"You're incredible." She had no idea how much my family needed her to be a part of my life. I was tolerable now, almost enjoyable, now that I had found her.

I clutched her hand, easily and totally in control of my strength. We walked to her truck and I naturally took the wheel…she needed to rest a bit more before meeting the rest of my family. I watched her out of the corner of my eye; listening to her breathing, counting the seconds between each breath, silently measuring her intake of oxygen. My mind wandered to the day ahead.

Alice, would no doubt, already know how this day would turn out. Esme and Carlisle would be anticipating my arrival, waiting to meet my beloved, knowing full well she was everything to me and would be more than ecstatic for my newfound lease on life. Rosalie would have to reassess everything about herself. She wasn't the center of everyone's world, and she would come to terms with that at some point. Emmett would help her as best he could.

Jasper was my only true worry. He had been practicing our lifestyle for only a few decades. I would have to watch over him more than ever before. Any humans' blood was a temptation to him. I hoped Bella's unique essence wouldn't tempt him all the more. His mind would be my playground for the next few hours, and I would utilize the jungle gym of his thoughts for Bella's safety for as long as they were near each other. He should stay away for now, but I knew Alice would have none of it.

"Wow" Bella said suddenly. I realized she didn't know where I lived. It must have been somewhat overwhelming for her to drive into the forest with her vampire boyfriend. Her heart picked up it's pace a little.

"You like it?" I asked.

"It…has a certain charm." She said smiling, trying to be nice. I could only imagine what she thought the inside might look like. I laughed, thinking how I should have had Alice set out some coffins and dark drapes; a huge candelabra on my piano. Maybe a few plastic bats hanging from fishing line for effect.

I held back a chuckle. Alice would have loved to redecorate. I flashed to Bella's side of the truck and opened her door, "Ready?" I asked.

A small crease appeared between her eye brows. "Not even a little bit—let's go." She forced out a nervous laugh. I could only smile with love at my Bella; so human.

"You look lovely" I remarked, drinking her in. I took her hand in mine, carefully, but with much more ease. I was getting used to being painfully conscientious of Bella. Her sweet scent grew stronger as her blood flowed faster in accordance with her nervousness. I noted my scorching throat, almost as an afterthought, and smiled to myself at how much I had indeed changed because of her love.

As we walked to the front door, I listened to Carlisle's thoughts as he waited for us. _Her breathing is slightly elevated, as is her heart rate. 94 beats per minute. It's to be expected. Stay close to her Edward, in case she faints or trips. I have all the necessary bandages, antibiotics and alcohol, should anything happen. I went to the hospital earlier to stock up. We've never had a human in the house before, and I didn't want to take any chances. Rosalie and Emmett left an hour ago. She was in a state and Emmett was trying to clam her down. They went hunting on the other side of the forest. _

_Oh Edward! I'm so nervous and excited! Make sure you aren't walking to fast, and hold onto her hand, but gently, don't bruise her delicate skin. We don't want her to have any accidents during her visit. Oh! I'm absolutely delighted. _Esme thoughts were a tangle of motherly love.

"_Edward!! Hurry!!" _ Alice was thinking. She was even more excited than before. I saw Jasper's pained expression thru her eyes. _He'll be fine, Edward. I told him not to breathe if it became too hard for him._

We walked through the front door, Bella's hand squeezing mine, her grip was feather light. Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us, standing by my piano, ever the picture of perfection. I heard Bella inhale a deep breath as she looked at my home, taking in the open floor plan, the inviting colors, the tasteful decorations.

"Carlisle, Esme. This is Bella." The pride in my voice was hard to miss.

A wide, friendly smile spread across Carlisle's features. "You're very welcome, Bella." _Is she scared of me? Of the situation? Her heart is still higher than I would like. Her human instincts much be kicking in. She doesn't seem to want to run. Her eyes are wide, but I don't sense fear or worry. Very strange for a human. She should be shaking or looking away. She does smell quite good, stronger than last time. Humans tended to smell stronger with racing hearts, though._ Carlisle's started to analyze the various human scents he had encountered during his decades in the E.R. He began theorizing on the anomalies of humans' scents and accompanying heart rates.

I shook my head slightly and smiled. Always the doctor. Carlisle had no want of human blood, yet Bella's scent was something even he couldn't ignore.

Carlisle carefully took Bella's hand and she eagerly held out hers. "It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen" I heard his mental sigh.

"Please, call me Carlisle"

"Carlisle" Bella replied confidently and I visible relaxed, only then realizing I was more nervous about this than I thought.

Esme's thoughts were gushing. _ Oh! She's beautiful, Edward, of course. And she's so fragile; it must be very difficult to be so careful all the time. You have amazing control. I'm so proud of you. Love is a wonderful thing, and my heart is bursting with happiness for you. I can see it in her eyes, she is a woman in love._ Her outside façade, cool and calm, betrayed none of her inner dancing.

Esme slowly stepped forward and took Bella's hand into her own. "It's very nice to know you."

"Thank you. I'm glad to meet you too."

Bella's hear rate slowed down, and I was instantly relieved. She was accepting of my family, and I was infinitely happy.

"Where are Alice and Jasper" I asked aloud for everyone's sake. Of course I could hear Alice's constant urging to say something so she could come down. Her thoughts went to the picture of her and Bella, together as friends. It didn't hurt as much this time... I was so happy with Bella's reaction to my parents, even the sight of those two as friends couldn't hamper my exuberance.

"Hey Edward!" Alice streaked down the stairs, stopping suddenly and gracefully in front of Bella. Bella took it all in stride. Alice's internal chatter was subdued, for once, allowing me to concentrate totally on my love. Alice's thoughts scattered through various alterations to her outfit and alternate hairstyles. I shook my head at her, and she instantly steadied herself so as not to alarm my Bella. Not quite 4 seconds had passed.

"Hi, Bella!" Alice sang in her high soprano voice as she kissed Bella on the cheek. The immortal Bella flashed in Alice's thoughts. _It's only a matter of time. _ My body stiffened in rebellion. Carlisle and Esme both gasped at Alice's lack of self control, but Bella seemed happy with the interaction.

"You do smell nice, I never noticed before," Alice commented. _Absolutely delicious. Oh, sorry Edward. I don't want her, but she does have a certain… floral bouquet. _ Alice quickly searched out different flowers and their scents in her mind. She was thinking of copyrighting the scent and marketing a new perfume based on Bella. She was already picking out the color of the packaging when she noticed Bella's edginess and my growing irritation at her lack of couth.

Japer flitted to our side and instantly a sense of calm and relief washed over us. Bella looked to Japer, then to me. I blanched at him, knowing what he was doing.

"Hello, Bella," Jasper politely said. I heard him swallow a mouthful of venom. His expression was one of pure pain. _Her scent is so much stronger in person. I have never been this close to her, how can you stand it? I would never have made it through an entire day alone with her. You have my utmost respect, brother. _Jasper stopped breathing. _Don't talk to me for awhile. _

I nodded imperceptibly, thankful he was taking Alice's advice.

"Hello, Jasper," Bella said, pulling me from Jasper's mind. "It's so nice to meet you all—you have a very beautiful home." Esme was almost choking in her happiness. Alice wouldn't be still and Jasper was straining against his nature. He should have hunted before Bella came over, been less thirsty.

"Thank you" Esme said. "We're so glad that you came." _You don't seem scared of us at all! You are so brave, so courageous. Thank you for changing my son, thank you for loving him. I owe you a debt of gratitude. _Esme's love was overwhelming.

_Edward…_Carlisle called to me, _three of our kind are coming into town tonight. They do not hold to our eating philosophy. Alice only sees shimmers of the future..they are nomads, and we cannot know what their intentions are, as of yet. I'm sure nothing will come of it… they seem more curious than anything. Will you tell Bella? Should she know of their visit? _Carlisle's thoughts were only for Bella's safety.

I nodded once, curtly, while clenching my fists at my sides. New vampires in town. Why now? It was bad enough to have had Peter and Charlotte visit, that had given me enough trepidation concerning Bella's safety, and now this? Esme was looking at me with concern in her eyes.

I quickly looked at Alice. _This is all I see, Edward. _She instantly flipped through the many images she had received since this morning when I had last seen her. I saw three vampires, one with glossy black hair, another male with lighter brown hair, and a woman with bright orange red hair. She had a look about her I couldn't quite put a name to…untamed, almost wild, in countenance and nature. The image shimmered and flickered to a non-descript hotel room, shimmered again and a room of mirrors quivered and was gone. We looked at each other without expression. _I'll help protect Bella, and so will Jasper. Emmett already knows and is looking forward to some excitement. I told him to relax, nothing was going to happen, as far as I could tell. _

Jasper looked at me and barely nodded his head, not wanting to alert Bella to anything. _I'm here for you and for her. I will help you watch over her, if you need me. _ I nodded the same way to him, thankful for his unspoken understanding of my need to protect Bella.

None of the images made sense to me. I only knew I would be Bella's shadow for the next few weeks until they were long gone. I would hunt only when absolutely necessary, leaving only when Alice, or possibly Emmett, was able to protect Bella. A plan was already forming, a plan of attack if it came to that. I would not compromise my Bella. She was my only priority.

Less than two seconds had passed. Bella was admiring my piano.

"Do you play?" Esme asked Bella, attempting, no doubt, to tear me away from my thoughts. Anger and dismay at my portion of bad luck allotted to me this day. Bella was, indeed, a magnet for trouble. I only hoped she wouldn't be offended by my twenty-four hour watch over her.

"Not at all," Bella replied, shaking her head and giggling slightly. "But it's so beautiful. Is it yours?" She asked.

_Oh, Edward. Don't you tell her anything? _"No" Esme laughed, "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?" _A musical genius? A gifted composer? The most beatific player ever?_

She shook her head and looked at me with mirth in her eyes. _Ever the modest musician, Edward?_

Bella, however, was glaring at me. "No. I should have known, I guess." Her narrowed eyes almost caused me to forget our soon to be visitors…almost.

"Edward can do everything, right?" Bella asked. _Yup, Edward can do everything…even fall in love with a human. _Jasper snickered at me in his mind. Esme just shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I hope you haven't been showing off" I_ have raised you with much better manners than that, I hope. You have been treating her like a lady? Like you would your own mother? _"It's rude." Esme was scolding me. I deserved it, I suppose.

"Just a bit." I was laughing, joyously free and with ease. Esme would consider it rude, no doubt, that I had showed off my glittering chest to Bella. Her upbringing was as conservative as mine.

_I hope you didn't do anything else I wouldn't approve of, young man. Carlisle and I expect much more from you than your brothers and sisters. You are a gentleman, above all things, Edward. We know you will treat you beautiful Bella with respect. I'm just so very happy for you…there are no words to express the merriment I feel. _Esme, my mother. I smiled at her lovingly, and shook my head ever so slightly. She was not immune to the profound softening Bella had caused.

"He's been too modest, actually" Bella corrected.

Esme raised one perfect eyebrow at me. An image flashed in her mind of us, sitting at my piano, me setting the soda bottle cap on the edge of the piano, and then playing first her and Carlisle's song, and then Bella's song. The memory was bittersweet. "Well, play for her," You_ silly! Let her hear your love for her in your melody. _

"You just said showing off was rude" I scoffed jokingly.

"There are exceptions to every rule," _Like with whom we fall in love, _Esme added silently.

"I'd like to hear you play" Bella's chocolate eyes were full of wonder and questions. She wanted to know everything about me and my family. I stone heart swelled with adoration and devotion.

"It's settled then." Esme forcefully pushed me towards my piano, and Bella followed close behind. _Play her song for her! She will adore it! _Esme thought. Little did she know, Bella had already heard most of it in the meadow yesterday. I looked at my love with feigned exasperation, and placed my hands on the keys.

Mozart once said, "To talk well and eloquently is a very great art, but that an equally great one is to know the right moment to stop."

This was my moment to stop talking. I quietly started in on Esme and Carlisle's song.

_Thank you Edward, but I think you should play her song, don't you? We will leave you now, and give you what privacy we can. She is wonderful. Thank you for bringing her here and for trusting us. I am truly happy for you. Truly. _

And with that, Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Jasper were gone. I had not even played five notes. Bella's mouth dropped open as she listened to my composition. My mind stuttered for a moment as I pondered her full bottom lip and the slight wetness there. I contemplated sucking on that lip until I heard Alice giggle from upstairs, and immediately refocused my attention to my playing.

"Do you like it?" It was obvious that she did, but I needed hear her thoughts out loud.

"You wrote this?" Incredulity in her voice. She knew nothing of vampires and our astounding gifts for learning new skills. "It's Esme's favorite" I answered.

I wrote it for Esme as a mother's day gift some years ago. I wanted to show her I understood her love for Carlisle, even though I had yet to experience such love myself. Her wide smile was all the gratitude I would ever need from her. I loved playing for her, and missed it while deciding what to do about Bella and my want of her. I had no reason not to play, as long as Bella was by my side.

Bella shook her head and closed her eyes. She sighed deeply, and I felt my uncertain soul cry out for her. "What's wrong?" I would do anything to make her happy again. I didn't want to see her suffer, even over something minor.

"I'm feeling extremely insignificant." She watched her fingers intertwine with each other. Her sour pout was like a knife thru my core. I subtlety migrated Esme's song into Bella's lullaby. Surely she would recognize the tune I created for her.

"You inspired this one" I looked deep into her eyes, not needing to watch the keys, I knew exactly where they were. Unshed tears filled her soft eyes, and I knew she felt the love I had for her interlaced through out her song.

As we sat there, in the great room, I revealed my family's thoughts to her. "They like you, you know" My family was immeasurably happy at my newfound lease on life. "Esme especially." My dear, sweet mother. Bella immediately scanned the room, realizing we were all alone.

"Where did they go?"

"Very subtly giving us some privacy" As much privacy as you can have in a house full of vampires with supernatural hearing. "I suppose" I would have to choose my words carefully for now.

"They like me. But Rosalie and Emmett…"

Ahhh, Rosalie and her all consuming self-centeredness. I again felt sorrow for Emmett and his task of calming her and reassuring her she was the fairest of all, not unlike the mirror in "Snow White." Unfortunately, Rosalie was more like the wicked queen than the sweet princess in hiding. "Don't worry about Rosalie." I will make sure she doesn't bother you, ever. "She'll come around." Or she won't come around at all.

"Emmett?" She pushed out her lips slightly, and I found myself again concentrating on the wetness of her soft, pink lips.

_Focus_

"Well, he thinks I'm a lunatic" He is the real lunatic for putting up with Rose and her bi-polar emotional reactions, "it's true, but he doesn't have a problem with you." Jasper, on the other hand, has a serious problem with you, or at least with your blood. Alice was currently trying to take his mind off of Bella with Rose's wedding next year, her and Emmett's' 12th since they met. "He's trying to reason with Rosalie." I will reason with her later. I will have my way, after all these years. I have asked nothing from her, the least she can do is to be cordial to my one true love.

"What is it that upsets her?" Bella asked with innocent eyes.

I mentally sighed. I loathed telling her the truth about Rosalie. Her jealousy, her rage, her egomaniacal ways. "Rosalie struggles the most with" with being less than the center of attention, with not being the ultimate prize, "with what we are." Carlisle regretted making her, and his sadness knew no bounds when it came to Rosalie and her plight.

"It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth." She, herself didn't like the truth of what she had become, but was powerless to do anything about it. "And she's a little jealous." Jealous that a human would be more desirable to me than her; green with envy.

"Rosalie is jealous of me?" Bella was astounded by my revelation. She shook her head, attempting to understand. She huffed to herself, and blinked several times.

"You're human." And beautiful, and perfect, and warm, and mine. "She wishes that she were, too." She also wishes I wanted her as badly as I wanted you.

_Stop it._

"Oh. Even Jasper, though…" She was muttering to herself, still not making eye contact with me.

"That's really my fault," and Alice's. She should've taken him hunting this morning instead of putting him in such close proximity to Bella; I don't care what her visions showed her, Jasper was dangerous to all humans. "I told you he was the most recent to try our way of life. I warned him to keep his distance." He should have listened. His thoughts, even now, were wandering to the soft, white skin of Bella's neck, imagining the taste of her blood. Bella, thankfully looked away, and I had time to swallow the poison that was accumulating in my mouth as I watched Jasper's fantasies play out. I could hear Alice scold him, and his apologies.

"Esme and Carlisle?" She continued.

"Are happy to see me happy." For the first time in decades, I was truly happy. "Actually Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet." Emmett, on the other hand, would have loved a web-footed Bella with three eyes…I would have never heard the end of it. "All this time she's been worried about me, afraid there was something missing from my essential makeup." The only thing missing was you, Bella. "That I was too young when Carlisle changed me." I wasn't too young, just born in the wrong time period. My patience paid off, in the most marvelous of ways. "She's ectstatic. Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction." It felt good, and right, to tell Bella these things.

"Alice seems very…enthusiastic."

Cold skin, crimson eyes, a knowing look as she embraces Alice without fear or regret. "Alice has her own way of looking at things." The anger was returning. I quickly locked down my emotions, and my thoughts. Everyone was silent in the house, waiting, expectantly, as to what Bella would ask next.

"And your not going to explain that, are you?" She was very intuitive. She knew I was dodging her question. I searched her eyes, wanting to tell her the truth, hating myself for keeping any secrets from her. Her expression was quizzical, but she relented and moved onto another question.

"So what was Carlisle telling you before?"

"You noticed that, did you?" I thought Bella had seen our interaction, but I couldn't be entirely sure. How much should she be told?

"Of course" she said, as if it was common knowledge.

The vision of three nomad vampires filled my vision. Bella would be noticed by them, no doubt, her ridiculously sweet scent had left trails all over Forks. Her inherent bad luck would bring them straight to her. No, I had to tell her about them, and about my plan to be her shadow until they left our territory. "I have to, because I'm going to be a little" on edge, worried beyond comprehension, following your every move "overbearingly protective over the next few days—or weeks" it wouldn't come to that, I couldn't allow them to stay longer than two days, it was torture just thinking about them being here, close to her. "And I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant." Just an obsessive-compulsive vampire.

"What's wrong?" her voice rose slightly with alarm.

"Nothing's wrong exactly. Alice just sees some visitors coming soon." Too soon, unfortunately. "They know we're here, and they're curious." Curiosity killed the cat. I would kill them to protect Bella, if it came to that. They would not touch her; I would not allow it.

"Visitors?" The furrow between her eyebrows returned.

"Yes…well, they aren't like us, of course—in their hunting habits, I mean." Alice had seen that these were murdering nomadic vampires who only cared about themselves, and nothing else. I was very thankful for my family, more than ever. They would help me protect Bella. "They probably won't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sight till they're gone." If they make the mistake of coming near us, it will be the last mistake they ever make. Jasper was lethal, Emmett the strongest vampire I had ever met, and my own speed and mind-reading powers would be a formidable weapon against them, should they attempt fight us.

I choose to breathe in and out, slowly, to calm the rage. Bella shivered as she thought over my last statement.

"Finally, a rational response!" Her reactions never made sense. At least now she seemed to understand the danger she might be in. "I was beginning to think you had no sense of self-preservation at all." If she did, my life would be over. I would have no reason to exist if she were not here with me now. Bella ignored me and looked around the room again.

"Not what you expected, is it?" I wonder if she is disappointed or relieved.

"No" she replied. I wished desperately to hear her thoughts. I decided to tease them out of her.

"No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners;" as if Alice would let the skulls pile up. She would, at the very least, make an ornate sculpture out of them. "I don't even think we have cobwebs…what a disappointment this must be for you." I was being facetious. Bella continued to ignore me, preferring to gaze at her surroundings instead.

"It's so light…so open"

"It's the one place we never have to hide." Where we're free from watchful eyes, free from the scent of humans, but never free from ourselves. I ended her song with the mournful sound of sadness her lullaby demanded. It was my love song to her, and for now, the ending was bittersweet.

"Thank you" Her eyes were brimming over with tears. What could be causing her sadness? Her silent mind offered nothing. I hoped it wasn't her lullaby that brought on her melancholy mood. My heart ached to kiss away those tears, to taste the salt in them. She started dabbing them away, and foolishly, I reached out to touch one she had missed, thinking the answers would lay in the small orb of water.

It was warm, like her skin, and the smell distracted me. I could smell her essence in the tear, although not as powerful as her blood. Tear ducts functioned only to lubricate the eye. Crying tears served no real purpose to the body. Modern science had no explanation for the physical act of crying tears. I wonder if I cried when I was a child; the memory, like so many others, eluded me.

Without reason, I touched her tear to my lips. The taste was astounding in its intensity. It tasted like Bella smelled. Venom filled my mouth as the flavor shot through my tongue and pummeled my mind with want and need. The piquancy was much stronger than I would have imagined. I swallowed. I could feel my muscles tense, limbs ready to reach out and pull her towards me, towards her throat. It beckoned to me, taunted me, and mocked me. The need for her blood was overwhelming; my whole being ached for a taste of her. I focused, in desperation, on the one image that would stop me.

Immortal Bella.

I was instantly repulsed by my reflexes and thoughts. My face remained calm and complacent during the entire three seconds. Bella was watching my strange consumption with wonder. I smiled as her eyes filled with questions at my eccentric behavior. I dragged in a deep breath, but the burn of her essence only made it harder to concentrate on anything but her throat.

"Do you want to see the rest of the house?" I refocused my thoughts on our impending tour, urgently needing a distraction, any distraction. I promised myself to never taste her tears again. It was far too dangerous for her.

"No coffins?" Bella raised an eyebrow at me, wanting to believe me and the myths at the same time. I laughed out loud as I took her hot hand into mine, taking another deep, painful breath. "No coffins." I assured her.

We walked up the stairs and I showed her everyone's rooms. I started to pull her down the hall towards my room, when she stopped dead in her tracks. She stared at the cross carved so many years ago. I chuckled at her wide eyes and bewildered expression.

"You can laugh…It is sort of ironic." But, as always, Bella didn't react the way I thought she should. Instead, she raised her hand to touch it, but stopped just short, her hand hovering in the air.

"It must be very old" Bella said.

"Early sixteen-thirties, more or less." She looked at me with incredulity.

"Why do you keep this here?" she asked.

"Nostalgia. It belonged to Carlisle's father"…the father who hunted our kind with a vengeance. Carlisle should burn it as a tribute to becoming the one thing his father hated. I wondered if he would be proud of all the good his son had done, or would he only see the monster he longed to kill.

"He collected antiques?" She suggested.

"No. He carved this himself. It hung on the wall above the pulpit in the vicarage where he preached." I waited for Bella to do the math. I waited for the screaming and running, always fearful she would leave me, hating even the thought. I watched her as she regarded the ancient cross. I pushed at the silence around her, willing it to let me in.

My curiosity flamed as the silence went on. I could stand it no more; I finally spoke. "Are you all right?" She seemed a little shocked before, but she kept her eyes averted, leaving me questioning my decision to show her my home and family.

"How old is Carlisle?" She asked suddenly.

"He just celebrated his three hundred and sixty-second birthday." Her heart rate remained steady, as did her breathing. Her eyes only held questions.

I focused part of my mind on her breathing and hear rate, mentally tabulating and rise in blood pressure as I continued my father's tale. "Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen-forties, he believes. Time wasn't marked as accurately then, for the common people anyway." Especially for the commoners. King Charles 1 only wanted more countrymen to oppress with his ridiculous rules governing religious worship. "It was just before Cromwell's rule, though." And with Cromwell came a rebellion and war which ended with him as high ruler of the land.

"He was the only son of an Anglican pastor. His mother died giving birth to him. His father was an intolerant man." Intolerant is a much nicer word than my grandfather deserves--harsh, unloving and excruciatingly strict. "As the Protestants came into power, he was enthusiastic in his persecution of Roman Catholics and other religions." They didn't hold to his belief in strict interpretation of the Bible and of using the Book of Common Prayer.

"He also believed very strongly in the reality of evil. He led hunts for witches, werewolves…and vampires." Heart rate a steady 72 beats per minute, breathing measured and relaxed, blood pressure normal. "They burned a lot of innocent people" I knew what that pain felt like. The memory never faded for our kind, the memory of the pain of transformation. "Of course the real creatures that he sought were not so easy to catch.

"When the pastor grew old, he placed his obedient son in charge of the raids." My compassionate father didn't have the same tenacity as his father. "At first, Carlisle was a disappointment; he was not quick to accuse, to see demons where they did not exist." Demons existed in every human, we all struggled with our own personal addictions, human and vampire alike. "He actually discovered a coven of true vampires that lived hidden in the sewers of the city, only coming out by night to hunt." A truly wretched existence. "In those days, when monsters were not just myths and legends that was the way many lived." Now, monsters lived out in the open, with humans as their beloved.

"The people gathered their pitchforks and torches, of course," I laughed at the preposterousness of those long dead villagers. They were innocent of the true means of our demise. Fire and sharp-edged knives held no danger for us. "They waited where Carlisle had seen the monsters exit into the street. Eventually one emerged."

I always felt sorrow when I thought of the monster, for he was a monster, nothing close to the fantastic being Carlisle is. "He must have been ancient, and weak with hunger. Carlisle heard him call out in Latin to the others when he caught the scent of the mob. He ran through the streets, and Carlisle—he was 23 and very fast—was in the lead of the pursuit." My father had held onto his human memories as a hedge against what he could never let himself become, a monster and killer of creatures who deserved a different kind of justice. My grandfather was a monster. He killed without remorse, having his own twisted brand of justice to fulfill. Carlisle was nothing like the man who gave him life, or the monster who took it.

"The creature could have easily outrun them, but Carlisle thinks he was too hungry, so he turned and attacked. He fell on Carlisle first, but the others were close behind, and he turned to defend himself. He killed two men, and made off with a third, leaving Carlisle bleeding in the street."

I watched her eyes, looking for any sign of shock or dismay. She was very calm and steady. I kept the monster's identity a secret, she didn't need to know every detail, and it was too frightening, even for me.

"Carlisle knew what his father would do. The bodies would be burned—anything infected by the monster must be destroyed." My father's memories brimmed with the terror of being burned alive as his father watched. Little did he know what the future held. Burning at the stake would have been far more enjoyable.

"Carlisle acted instinctively to save his own life. He crawled away from the alley while the mob followed the fiend and his victim. He hid in a cellar, buried himself in rotting potatoes for three days," the smell must have been atrocious. " It's a miracle he was able to keep silent, to stay undiscovered." My own screams, remembered from the transformation, echoed in my ears.

"It was over then, and he realized what he had become." He was the monster he once sought to kill, and was devastated. His sad memories rocked me to my core when he first showed them to me, glad to finally have someone with whom to share them. His overwhelming despair, now long forgotten, made him who he is today. It had refined him, the fire, sharpened him, made him whole and complete in a new way, a more genuine way.

"How are you feeling?" Her heart was steady, and a little slower, down to 70 beats per minute. Her blood flowed softly, her warmth enveloped me, comforted me.

"I'm fine" I watched as she bit down on her lower lip, and my thoughts scattered for a moment as imagined how her teeth would feel on my own lips. I looked into her eyes and they betrayed the curiosity she held.

"I expect you have a few more questions for me" I smiled genuinely at her.

"A few"

"Come on then…I'll show you"


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to another

"Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then?" Bella asked.

"Almost always." I pulled her with me down the hall, hoping she wouldn't press for more details, but I knew Bella wouldn't be satisfied with half-truths.

"Almost?"

How much should I tell her? How much could her fragile human mind comprehend of my choices? How long till she ran away from me with real terror in her eyes. "Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence" I wanted, needed, to save others from his disgusting appetite, "about ten years after I was…" stolen from death's door, "born…created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn't sold on this life of abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite." Resented wasn't quite the correct term for the hatred I had for him and his "lifestyle" that he had burdened me with. Carlisle couldn't hear _his_ thoughts, Carlisle didn't see the images that ran thru _his _mind. "So I went off on my own for a time."

I became a murderer of murderers.

"Really?" She was incredulous. Her eyes full of wonder instead of fear as we headed up the stairs.

"That doesn't repulse you?" I cocked an eyebrow at her, unnerved at her calm stature.

"No"

"Why not?" I just told her that I had hunted humans, her kind, drank their blood, and she wasn't the least bit upset? She was truly the most interesting creature I had ever met.

"I guess…it sounds reasonable"

I laughed out loud at her ridiculous thought process. There is nothing reasonable about killing, natural though it may be for us, it is still unacceptable. "From the time of my new birth I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human alike." She smirked at me, knowing I couldn't hear _everyone. _ "That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle. I could read his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did." I wished he could've understood why I needed to break his rules.

"It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision." I had missed my family more than I thought possible. I had a new appreciation for all those lonely years Carlisle suffered through. It was absolutely painful to be so utterly alone. "I thought I would be exempt from the depression that accompanies a conscience," since my prey seemed to have no conscience themselves. "Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl, if I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible."

I thought of sweet Dorothy walking home from her job at the diner; of Roy and his sick, twisted thoughts of her white dress, his hand on her thigh, of taking away her innocence. I thought of the sweet taste of his blood as I sucked out his life at the end of the dark street while Dorothy stood in shock at her doorway, still thinking of the ghost who had taken away the monster who had licked her cheek as he ran his hand up the back of her dress. I had stolen him away, too fast for human eyes to see, ending his life before the thought registered in his brain. She dreamed of me for many weeks, her "ghost protector".

How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened.

"But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified." All a man's affairs become diseased when he wishes to cure evil by evil. "And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more that I deserved." My crimson eyes disgusted me, but Carlisle would have none of my self-loathing. Esme held me tight and let her love infuse me. Even Rosalie was happy to have me home.

Coming home was easy. Giving up human blood wasn't.

Is there anything worse than to be longing for something, when you know it is within reach and you are forbidden from having it?

The irony was not lost on me.

"My room" I opened the door and watched her as she took in her surroundings. I had just confessed my murderous past to her and she was contemplating my stereo equipment. Her heart was back its normal pace and her breathing was perfectly normal. She was neither frightened of me nor concerned for her safety.

"Good acoustics?" I laughed, of course. Bella and her thought processes were astounding. I turned on my stereo and instantly the sounds of "Round About Midnight" by Thelonious Monk drifted through the air. His compositions and improvisations were full of dissonant harmonies and angular melodic twists, and were impossible to separate from his unorthodox approach to the piano, which combined a highly percussive attack with abrupt, dramatic use of silences and hesitations.

His music was fantastic.

"How do you have these organized?"

"Ummm, by year, and then by personal preference within that frame" Why isn't she screaming? Nothing about me seemed to bother her, except my _performance_ in the meadow. My confession was so cleansing, so honest; I had laid my sins on the table, ready for her to judge and sentence me. She loved me and trusted me, and yet I was always anticipating the reaction that never came. I wasn't deserving or worthy of her love, and yet she gave it freely to me. Her wide eyes regarded me as I stared at her.

"What?" She asked.

"I was prepared to feel…relieved." The weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. "Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn't expect to feel more than that. I _like_ it. It makes me happy." Happy wasn't a good enough descriptor for the healing I felt in her knowing all my secrets, but it was an easy enough way to convey my feelings without overwhelming her.

"I'm glad" And there was no lie in her eyes. I waited with bated breath. Fear and loathing, I didn't want to see them and yet I did; I also wanted to kiss her lips and crush my body to hers, to feel the heat from her blood coursing thru her veins. I took a deep, steadying, burning breath. Always the crashing of the two wants. It was difficult to discern my needs from my wants.

"Your still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you?" she said. "I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually." She pretended to be brave, but I saw through her façade. She was lying, and I knew it.

I knew exactly what to do. I smiled wryly at her and cocked my eyebrow.

"You _really_ shouldn't have said that." This was going to be fun. I could hear Alice laughing her tinkling laughter as she no doubt saw my next action in her visions. _Don't scare the human too much, Edward. Esme will be mad if she has a heart-attack._ Alice's thoughts were all too easy to read.

I crouched and growled, softly so as not to scare her…too much. I coiled my muscles and calculated the exact distance and angle at which to jump and catch. I locked my eyes on my target, and reminded myself to be extremely gentile with my fragile girl. Her eyes were full of shock and dismay as she backed away from me timidly.

"You wouldn't" she breathed. And I did.

The movement was so swift and agile, any vampire would have been jealous. I lept up into the air and towards my intended target. I caught her before she had a chance to finish her breath. I locked my arms around her soft body and gently cradled her warm frame to mine. I could feel every inch of her in my embrace as we collided with the couch unharmed. Her heart rate accelerated as did her breathing.

"You were saying?" I stifled a laugh as she gasped for air and tried to right herself. This was much more fun than I thought it would be.

"That you are a very, very terrifying monster"

"Much better" Bella was being funny.

"Um, can I get up now?" She asked. I thought about it for a half second but decided I was much more comfortable with her on my lap, especially now that Jasper was headed our way. _Don't worry about Jasper, he'll be on his best behavior. He won't hurt her. _Alice quickly showed me her vision before she lightly knocked on the door.

"Can we come in?" Alice spoke aloud for Bella to hear. _I'll be good, Edward, I won't smell her or touch her or anything. _

"Go ahead" As if I could stop Alice from coming in. She would pout and stomp around outside my door, threatening to redecorate my room if I didn't let her in.

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share" _As if this little thing even has enough for you_, Alice thought.

_How can you stand to be so close to her? The smell, her throat. I think I'll stay by the door_. Jasper leaned against my door frame, steeling himself against the strong perfume of Bella's presence.

"Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare" I held Bella close, and smiled deviantly at Alice and her awful attempt at humor

"Actually, Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?" Jasper said. Images of the last game flying thru his mind…Emmett rigging the game by filling the baseballs with paintballs, gluing them back together with rubber cement, and then throwing said balls at Jasper when he wasn't looking. The balls broke apart easily, splattering paint all over Jasper. He laughed, but Alice was livid that he had ruined one of her favorite Jasper outfits. She was also mad that he had kept his thoughts so well hidden. A first for Emmett. She spent the next week booby-trapping his Jeep, with Rosalie's help, with paint-ball propelling devices, special ordered and extra small to hide in various spots. When he started up his prize possession, he got pummeled in the head with a hundred paint balls from all different angles.

He was not happy about getting paint in his Jeep.

I couldn't wait to play baseball.

My obligation to Bella overshadowed my joy in an instant. I couldn't leave her alone with unknown vampires roaming about.

"Of course you should bring Bella" _She'll be safer with all of us than at her house, in case one of them tries something. Jasper will be more than happy to use his techniques on them. _Alice thought.

Jasper was momentarily shocked, and unsure if he was ready for Bella being in such close contact with him. Alice looked at him and winked.

"Do you want to go?" My excitement palpable. I could see the curiosity burning in her eyes.

"Sure! Um, where are we going?" She asked with wide eyes.

"We have to wait for thunder to play ball, you'll see why" I would show her soon enough in person why the thunder was necessary. I wondered, idly, if I should get her some earplugs. We did get a bit loud as the game wore on. I hoped she wouldn't be put off by our boisterous play. Emmett would have to be warned about the colorful way he liked to talk during a game.

"Will I need an umbrella?" All at once, three vampires were laughing uncontrollably.

"Will she?" Jasper asked a still laughing Alice.

"No. The storm will hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing." I scanned her thoughts. Her vision was perfectly clear. We would be safe and dry during the storm. We would have about four hours of play before the storm passed and the thunder would be over.

"Good, then." I felt myself getting more and more excited about the prospects of a game. Jasper's thoughts were excited, and only a little worried about Bella and her closeness. He decided to play in the outfield, so as not to be to close to her during the game.

"Let's go see if Carlisle will come." Alice chimed. Her thoughts already showed he would.

"Like you don't know" Jasper teased as Alice lopped off in front of him, smiling and happy to have Bella coming along.

"What will we be playing?" Bella asked after they had left my room.

"_You_ will be watching. We will be playing baseball." She would put us all in danger just being in close proximity to a ball, we didn't need to chance her getting near a bat. I shuddered at the thought of her at bat, and how she would likely hit herself in the head, causing a concussion, or giving herself an open wound.

"Vampires like baseball?" She asked as if I were completely out of my head.

"It's the American pastime" I said innocently.

**Chapter notes**

"How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened." Thomas Jefferson

"All a man's affairs become diseased when he wishes to cure evils by evils." Sophocles

"Is there anything better than to be longing for something, when you know it is within reach?" Greta Garbo

Thelonious Sphere Monk (October 10, 1917-February 17, 1982) was an American jazz pianist and composer. One of five jazz musicians to be featured on the cover of Time magazine.

.com/watch?v=OMmeNsmQaFw&feature=related to listen to "round about midnight"

**A/N**: That is it! The end….for now….I am working on another story, and will be posting it soon! So stay tuned!!!


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